leave

i am once again, on leave. medical leave, that is.

but all my leaves haven't been much of a leave (and that includes both medical and annual leave) when people still expect you to reply their emails and call you at least three to five times a day. sigh.

okay, shan't complain anymore since this is going nowhere. i kinda feel i owe them too much to be too ji jiao on these matters. though i really do wish i could have some real leave. maybe that's why i really don't mind going on no-pay leave if i can't work from home.

i wonder how long this condition will last this time. according to the doctor, it seems that i will be ridden with this for at least the next few years. i definitely won't be well so soon. i wonder when i can continue my life again. two years. some people said it has only been two years and i am considered to have recovered rather quickly. some others have commented, it's already been two years - you should be up and running, why are you taking so long? well perhaps those weren't the exact words, but they definitely kind of meant that.

talking about it like this makes everything sound so grim. definitely feel the tears coming on. but well, i know this is just yet another obstacle i have to overcome (they just keep coming, don't they?), so i will get through this! of course, with the help of my really supportive family, friends, and the big man upstairs (you do hear me, don't you?). i'm no longer going to put a date to when i can do this or that. i guess i'll just have to live by the day for now. and i will stay happy! :)

amen.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

typing

i like the feeling of typing, especially that i don't have to search for the letters on the keyboard and my fingers automatically know where to type. i don't even really have to look at the computer screen as i'm typing. i can just let my fingers run and my eyes can be roaming elsewhere in the room (like watching the tv or spying for people walking past my cubicle). but most of the time, i look at the screen just to make sure i don't make any mistakes and also to look like i'm doing serious work at the same time too. haha.

and that is why i am blogging now. because my fingers are itching to type. i've no idea why. but my fingers just felt a need to type something. and the only place i can type randomly whatever i want is here. unless i just practise my typing on ms words by typing the following sentence over and over again (that is how, btw, i managed to learn to type without looking at the keyboard):

"the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"

i love the fact that such a simple sentence allows you to type out every letter in the alphabet. this is known as an english-language pangram, that is a phrase that contains all letters of the alphabet.

that's about all i have for now. back to reality.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

moody

am in a totally "don't feel like working" mood.

now, i just have to get the induction for the newbies over and done with. then i can sit back, relax and wait to knock off.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

emo

i'm trying to pretend that i don't care. but actually, i think i kind of do.

it's okay. it doesn't matter. i've told myself that i will not get involved until i've gone and come back from my overseas studies. that one heartbreak over an sms was enough to last a lifetime.

sorry that i've been posting such emo posts recently. just ignore me. i'll be fine in awhile :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

jinx

sometimes, some words cannot be spoken too soon. i didn't used to believe that saying things will jinx it. but now, i'm slowly starting to believe it. a recent spat of events have caused me to think that way.

don't speak too soon, because you never know when you may be made to eat your own words.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

happy

i had a good weekend. and i'm just feeling happy, contented. even though the weekend really sucked up all my energy and i'm really really tired now. just somehow feeling a sudden burst of energy coming from inside of me. and i honestly have no idea why.

shall blog more after work. for now, i feel like i'm living in my own happy little world. =)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Squatting

just some random thought - since i am most likely unable to squat again due to my bad knee injury, what happens if i was living in the old singapore where there were no sitting toilets, only squatting ones? going to the toilet would be such a pain.

then i thought again - if my accident took place during that time, medical help and facilities probably might not be so advanced and i probably wouldn't be able to survive the accident to worry about that.

and so, that put an end to my random thought. sorry for being so random tonight.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Simply Nothing

my aim was to post an entry a day with at least a picture. but today, i have absolutely nothing to post. my mind is blank and i feel a dis-interest in everything.

right now, i'm just feeling real tired even after just awaking from a three-hour nap which i took immediately after work. this is me just pms-ing and trying to post something despite having nothing to post. i think i should just go back to sleep. goodnight world!

i wish it was peace that i feel with this mind blank - but sadly, it isn't :(

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

The Trainee

last week, a nie trainee, popped out of nowhere into my cubicle, to ask me something about lds. this was how it went:

her: hi (with no greeting, or intro of herself or whatsoever), how do i claim for my lds?
me: (did not feel like answering her without knowing who she is) erm, you are?
her: (she must have tot i didn't understand her question) where do i go to claim for my lds? do i claim from you? (ya right, i'm so rich you can claim your money from me)
me: (in my mind i was thinking, who the heck are you?) well you just need to go pac@gov to claim. same as how you claim for your medical and dental.
her: oh so i can just claim from there? do i need to buy the item first then claim?
me: erm... (i was caught completely off guard by that question) of course la. otherwise how you key in the receipt number, date and amount? (isn't this like common sense?)
her: oh okie. (and she walks off without even a word of thanks. maybe she tot i was being sarcastic cos i gave her a rather incredulous look when she asked her second question. but honestly, i couldn't help it. as i said, i was kinda 'shocked' that she even had to ask that)

after the conversation, i felt like she was somehow treating me like some sort of joke. like i was one of those customer service counter, just there to answer your questions, full-stop. i wouldn't have mind if she had at least first made sure i was the correct person she was talking to (like asking me if i was the am because someone obviously directed her to me), intro-ed herself (so at least i know who i was talking to and especially since i asked who she was), and then say thanks after giving her the info. i mean, that's like basic courtesy. i can't believe that she is going to be a future teacher, educator of our future generation. how is she going to be a role model without some basic courtesy and common sense? you can only claim for something after you buy it is 普通常识, no?

well, i let that pass given that she is just a trainee now. she has so much more to learn & improve on her EQ. hopefully, she gets better by the time she graduates. well, one can only hope for the best right?

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Out of School!

it's been awhile since i had the chance to get out of school for half a day for a briefing. and what better time to do that when your partner for the briefing is a friend you've been wanting to catch up with? i kinda volunteered to go for the briefing, partly because of who's going and partly because i wanna know what's going on. the former playing the larger part of the equation.

anyhow, i've no idea why, but i was so happy to be going to the post office! went to send the birthday present for my ex-om who's accompanying her hubby all the way in jordon. it was kinda exciting having the whole post office to yourself and the staff there being so helpful to you! ok cheap thrill i know. but still, i think i like the feeling of mailing stuff. so people overseas who i know, be prepared to receive stuffs. haha well i will try. so got that done, bought some postcards and stamps for my postcrossing project, posted 2 postcards and i felt totally accomplished. i'm so easily satisfied.

then headed for lunch with chris at 鼎泰奉 where we had the usuals (at least for me) - xiao long bao, fried rice with pork chop & spinach with garlic. decided to try the dessert of mango pudding on crushed ice and it was pretty good with real mango pieces found in the pudding! what a nice ending to a lovely and yummy lunch (thanks for the treat!). mango now always remind me of my time in hong kong and taiwan. so i just need to eat something with mango to transport myself back in time :)

dropped by sistic to collect shirl's and moo's boeing boeing tix and went on to teachers' network for the ict briefing. i was mainly there to find out more about the ict funding and to get first-hand info on how the ict in school is going to be changing. the changes they are going to make are a little exciting and definitely a big project. but it wouldn't really affect the users much. only those doing the procurements will most likely be affected. another big change is the email system of p, vp and am. no more lotus notes! we'll be using outlook express and this new system is called SOEasy (pronounced "so easy", and no, i'm not kidding). maybe the person who came up with the name had a sense of humour, i'm not sure, but i certainly found it kinda amusing.

the briefing was from 2.30pm to 6pm. i tot it will end early, as most briefings always do. but no, this one had to stretch all the way till 6pm >.< and i tot maybe i could have some time to do a little shopping in town. so it was time to go home and i can't believe i managed to stand on the bus for almost a whole hour (but the hr was spent just chatting and gossiping so it was great!), then take the train and later still have the energy to climb the overhead bridge back home (given that i was really tired and didn't have much sleep the night before due to world cup finals). this is a really good sign! i'm feeling all ready to conquer the world again! ^^

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Independence & Freedom

i love a relaxing day like today - have breakfast, give tuition, have lunch, watch a movie, home to shower and then sleep (skipping dinner in the process), then waking up and have some soup and now, slacking in my room again.

totally no pressure, all at one's own pace. you know, like go with the flow, don't think too much about how your day will work out. just let things happen and go along with it. how nice if everyday could be like this. but i'm sure i'll get bored of such a life really soon. though speaking of which, i think that was how my life was the whole of last year! and i was sure i enjoyed it pretty well. thanks to family and friends who have not forgotten me and left me to rot in my room. hehe. i wouldn't have got through the past one year and seven months without any of you! :)

on another note, i seemed to be living the past two months with a vengeance - going out every weekend and always planning something to do ahead. it reminds me of how i was in 2008, and i wonder if i want to be how i was like that time - burning myself out. is it a good or bad thing? i'm not sure myself. but one thing's for sure - being able to go out on my own is definitely sweet! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Rest

over the past one and a half year, i've come to learn to enjoy many sitcoms/dramas/shows which i didn't used to have time for. for example, the nanny, two and a half men, everyone loves raymond, how i met your mother (esp!), sex and the city, ellen degeneres (love it too! it gave me something to look forward to everyday), house, bones, scrubs etc, well just to name a few.

it's a wonder how almost everything is all about work when you start working. you hardly have time for anything else. when you're at work, you think about work. when you're not at work, you're still thinking about work. i guess that's not very healthy. and somehow, i felt i had to keep myself busy. my schedule was full. if i'm not at work, i would either be at church or out with friends or giving tuition. i was hardly home for dinner. and i definitely wasn't getting enough rest. and i still found time to travel to hong kong (twice), taiwan, india and australia.

but that was 2008.

by the end of that year, i was forced, whether i liked it or not, to rest. with nothing to do but lie in bed all day watching tv. this continued into 2009. and i guessed i got so used to slacking so much that i didn't really wanna go back to work. but back to the office i went in 2010, only to find that i was actually a little glad to be back.

so right now, am still trying to sort out my thoughts and what i really wanna do. i guess i really should pray more about this.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Just A Little Fear

i have a little fear at the back of my mind. as much as i try to suppress it, not think abt it,  it sometimes pops out suddenly, catching you unaware, and brings your mood down drastically from a high to a low.

i guess it is inevitable that i have such thoughts. but at least they don't consume my life. i have accepted my condition and how different life is going to be for me, but sometimes, once in awhile, i give in and collapse for awhile. i feel that crying lets out any pent-up frustration i may have. i'm not an expressive person, so i don't vent my frustrations on anyone. i guess, this is the only way for me to keep sane.

and this happens when i see photos of friends doing things that i may never be able to do again in the future. the operative word being "may". of course, many people tell me that it's mind over matter. i try of course. but who knows how things are going to turn out exactly? i'm not a pessimist, but neither do i wanna get my hopes up too high. i'm just simply prepared for the worst. it is best to be mentally prepared than to be once again caught off-guard, unaware, and then feel like the end of the world has arrived.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

New Moon

caught the show new moon on sunday with wei and i must say the show wasn't all too bad, despite all the negative reviews and what other friends might say. in fact, both wei and i tot it was better than the first show, twilight. perhaps it was due to all the 1-star reviews that prepared us with a very low expectation of the show and so, we managed to enjoy it much better since it turned out better than expected. lol.

no point talking about the movie since reviews elsewhere are easily available. other than the fact that given that new moon is my least favourite book out of the 4 books of twilight series,the movie definitely wasn't as painful as reading the book. plus there's nice eye candy to compensate for the lack of acting and the absence of edward for close to half the show (or book). at least jacob looked so much better than he did in the first movie. hee.

on another note, i've been eating at places i haven't been to for more than a year. like lunch with wei at subway before the show and dinner with pat and shirl at cafe cartel on saturday night. it's nice to be able to go out with friends again. i just need to gain back the confidence and strength i need to survive outside on my own. =)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

i've moved here!

yeah! i have finally decided to move to blogspot. permanently. and i got a new blogskin! luckily i learnt a little html before. so i'm not so lost in editing the html for the skin. like it? i love it! :D

i'll put up more posts the moment i'm done with all the editing on the blog. i love the flexibility of blogspot. compared to xanga. now i think xanga is for lazy pple (like me!) who just wants to put up their posts and that's it. so i've decided not to be lazy and try out blogspot. :P

btw all the previous posts are OUTDATED. so please do ignore them. i'm only leaving them there to remind myself that i should post more often. and not just a few times a year. and to tell myself that i should not live in the past anymore. time waits for no man (or woman). so get up and move on already! :)