Just A Little Fear

i have a little fear at the back of my mind. as much as i try to suppress it, not think abt it,  it sometimes pops out suddenly, catching you unaware, and brings your mood down drastically from a high to a low.

i guess it is inevitable that i have such thoughts. but at least they don't consume my life. i have accepted my condition and how different life is going to be for me, but sometimes, once in awhile, i give in and collapse for awhile. i feel that crying lets out any pent-up frustration i may have. i'm not an expressive person, so i don't vent my frustrations on anyone. i guess, this is the only way for me to keep sane.

and this happens when i see photos of friends doing things that i may never be able to do again in the future. the operative word being "may". of course, many people tell me that it's mind over matter. i try of course. but who knows how things are going to turn out exactly? i'm not a pessimist, but neither do i wanna get my hopes up too high. i'm just simply prepared for the worst. it is best to be mentally prepared than to be once again caught off-guard, unaware, and then feel like the end of the world has arrived.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain