Life is Unpredictable

i always thought that, because i have this brittle bone problem, things like an accident will never happen to me. like isn't this osteogensis thing enough suffering for a lifetime?

but of cos, you can never predict what life or God has in store for you. and so exactly one year ago on this day, i met with my first (and hopefully last) car accident all the way in the land down under. it seem kinda apt to talk about it now. like a one year anniversary memorable recollection. lol. of cos, i can do with lesser of such anniversaries. so may this be the last.

30 Nov 08, Sunday
i think it's unlikely i'm ever gonna forget this date. it was only our 2nd day in melbourne. we were driving along great ocean road, when my brother drove onto the other lane, and collided head-on with another vehicle.

i've not much memory of what happened. in fact, none at all. as i was blissfully sound asleep in the front passenger seat. but i did wake up for a moment when i was still stuck in the car. and all i can remember is seeing part of my bones protruding out of my ankle (until now i'm still not sure if i really did see or was it all part of my imagination) and some ang moh telling me i'll be ok as i was wincing in pain.

the next thing i knew, i was already lying in the hospital in ICU with all my operations done and my family had already arrived in melbourne. apparently, i was first sent to geelong hospital which was the nearest to the site of the accident, but it was too "small" to handle my injuries and so i was air-lifted (my first helicopter ride and i had absolutely no idea. haha) to royal melbourne hospital instead. i then went through a 8-9 hour surgery where they removed my spleen and inserted metal rods, wires and screws into my left thigh and knee.

in the meantime, my brother, who was in the geelong hospital with wei, had contacted our family and my mum, dad and sis put aside whatever they were doing and made plans to fly over to melbourne. honestly, i really thank God for my family. i guess waking up to my sis was the reason i did not go into full panic mode and freak out from the whole thing.

when i first woke up and recalled that i was in an accident, the first thought that came to my mind was, "why the heck was i sleeping? if i didn't sleep, i could have prevented it from happening!" but well i guess if it was meant to happen, it will happen. sigh i think i tortured myself with that thought for a few days before i finally accepted the whole thing.

anyhow, i'm also really glad that my bro and wei weren't too seriously injured. it's bad enough that we had to deal with one seriously-injured person, not to mention 2 or 3. btw, when they say that your whole life flashes before you when you're dying is simply overrated. lol. nothing of that sort happened to me. =X or maybe i blacked out too early to have my flashes. hehe. =P

1-3 Dec 08
i drifted in and out of sleep as i was heavily sedated with morphine to prevent me from feeling the pain. i cldn't talk as well as i had a tube going down my throat. seriously that was the most uncomfortable thing in the world, esp not being able to talk at all. but i was glad that my right hand was okie so i cld still write on paper anything that i wanted to say. according to my sis, i was surrounded by tubes and machines and my two legs were supported by some metal structure. it's kinda difficult for me to imagine the whole scene as i was kinda "immune" to all the pain and i could not see myself or feel anything at all. i later asked my sis why didn't she take a picture so i can see for myself what exactly i went through. hehe. okie, i was just being bo liao.

4-5 Dec 08
finally, they removed the tube that was running down my throat! at the point of removal, i had a matrix moment. remember the time when neo was "awaken" and found himself in a cell-like tub? then he had to remove this tube that was running down his throat that served as his breathing tube when he was submerged in liquid. that was something like how i felt. and it was great to finally be able to breathe and talk properly! oh what joy. later that evening, i was transferred out of ICU and into a normal ward. the next thing i was yearning for was a drink of water and some food. but they're not allowing that yet, so all i had was the drip.

6 Dec 08
i was due for a 4-hr surgery on both my ankles which were badly crushed. so they didn't fix them at the same time. the surgery was scheduled in the morning. i was out by 2pm but they kept me in the resting area to make sure my condition was stablised until almost 5 or 6pm before they sent me back to my ward. apparently I was running a fever so I couldn’t go back until it had subsided. kinda pitied my sis who spent the whole day just waiting for me at the ward that day. my parents were in geelong hospital visiting my brother. so that’s what they did, swapping visits until my brother was discharged a few days later.

just when i thought everything was finally over (with the ops and all), later that night, i suddenly felt a really really cold chill. it was the kind of chill that you know was coming from the inside of you, and no amount of blankets is going to help. nonetheless, i asked for more blankets and told the nurse that i was really freezing. as the nurse was heaping blankets on me, i blacked out again.

8 Dec 08
when i woke up again, more than a full day had passed. and i was back in ICU due to a lung infection from one of the tubes inserted inside me. that was really scary. i don’t think i can ever forget the chill i felt. and the tube was back down my throat. =( i think this day was the longest day in my life. because i was fully awake and couldn’t do a single thing at all. i kept asking when they could remove the stupid tube cos i was feeling really uncomfortable. i tried to sleep (i believe i repaid my entire life’s sleep debt in those few days i spent in the hospital and subsequently the next 1-2 mths) but i couldn’t with the tube down my throat.

finally, goodness knows how long later, they gave the okay sign to remove the tube. and i was so relieved! i think i fell asleep very soon after. later that night, when i woke up during dinner time, the nurse asked if i would like to try some food, and of course i said yes! i had nothing for a week already, and this would be my first form of food of any kind. so she let me try a spoonful of mashed potatoes, and i believe, at that point of time, it was the best mashed potatoes i ever had. she gave me another spoonful and that was all i was allowed. boohoo. but since i hadn’t eaten for so long, it wasn’t good to eat too much at one go either.

however, good times don’t last. the nurse then decided that i was ok enough to remove the staples from the surgery on my stomach when they removed my spleen. i was kinda scared as i’ve got no idea how painful that would be. it turned out rather ok actually. she then proceeded to remove the stitches on my left knee. and i concluded that removing staples was not as bad as removing stitches. lol. it was a lot more worse removing the stitches especially when the skin had started to “reform” around the stitches. it’s like picking splints out of your finger or toe. ouch.

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just realized it’s not possible to share everything in one day. haha. so i shall continue another day (if i ever). =P

Beauty & the Beast

caught beauty & the beast by wild rice on saturday with my family - godma, godpa, mum and sis. and wild rice's productions never fail to disappoint. i had such an enjoyable time that i didn't want it to end. i love how they incorporate current "affairs" into their plays everytime. and this time, it was all about the boomz, leopard preens and shingz. lol. was supposed to catch their snow white & the seven dwarfs last year in december but was unfortunately stuck in aussieland. so i'm really glad to be able to catch their production this time. i'm already looking forward to their next production, whenever it is. =)

for those who have yet to watch or wasn't planning to, i highly encourage you to give it a try. they're showing all the way till 19 dec. i got my cat 1 tix at only 50 bucks. so i would say it's really quite affordable. watch this and you'll understand how easy it is to fall in love with their productions. hehe. anyway we should always support our local art scenes. they're not as bad as you think. ;)

Victor/Victoria

caught the show with ade on friday night. and it was nothing like what i was expecting. it was about a girl pretending to be a guy pretending to be a girl. anyhow, it was an enjoyable show, with most of the guys in the show turning out to be gays. it seems that it can be funny only if they were playing gay characters. lol. but we certainly enjoyed ourselves laughing away. thanks ade for watching it with me! =)

before the show, i had dinner with the girls - ade, wei, lyn and jul. too bad ks cldnt make it. had a good time just catching up a little and well, just hanging out. things felt a little different though. but perhaps, i was just pms-ing and probably a little tired.

wei, me, ade, lyn and jul

didn't exactly want to post any photos at first cos i realised we all kinda looked a little unglam in all the shots. but i decided to settle with the one above. hee. just to remember the moment. =)

christmas lights along orchard road.

took the above shot from the cab on the way home after the play. wanted to capture the white "moving" lights, but obviously a still photo isn't going to do much justice to it. anyhow, i'm really looking forward to christmas this year, given that i spent last year's christmas at the hospital. i wasn't even excited about the presents i got then. haha. so bad of me. but i really wasn't in the mood last year. presents don't mean much when all you want is to be well and back in singapore with your family and friends. anyway, that was all in the past. so am just hoping to have a great december this year! =)

A Christmas Carol 3D

caught a christmas carol in 3d at amk hub last night with wei, donut and boon. and i must say it wasn't what i expected at all. when a story as such has been remade a thousand times, the only thing you can improve on/make a difference in are the effects. and of course, i can't deny that the effects were good, especially watching it in 3d makes every single scene so much closer to you, as if you were almost part of the show itself. however, with the need to "show-off" the effects, there were some irrelevant scenes like the horsemen chasing scrooge down the streets.

there were also scenes that i really liked which were left out. like scrooge visiting his employee's family, bringing the prized turkey along with him and little tim's eyes brightening up when he sees it. this gave the movie a lack of genuine warmth and empathy. but i guess that's the problem when i've watched too many a version of the same show. the very first of which i remember was the donald duck version, where he becomes uncle scrooge, known as scrooge mcduck.

however, i still like the 3d experience of the show, where it really does feel like it's snowing in the theatre as well. and of cos, with jim carrey, there's enough inject of comedy that makes the entire experience more enjoyable. even though some attempts at it kinda failed.

and now, i wonder how the movie would have turned out for me if i had watched it in non-3d instead. perhaps it won't be as engaging, given that i know the whole story inside-out. so, for those who knows the story like the back of your hand, i suggest you catch the 3d version instead. even though it's more ex, priced at 13 bucks per ticket, it'll definitely be worth your while. =)

warning: even though it is promoted as a family movie, it may be unsuitable for young kids. even i found some scenes to be a little scary. anyhow, given that i'm a disney fan and my low expectation of films, my review of the show may be a little biased and unreliable for those with very high expectations. =P

No bonus for civil servants

so news just came out that there will be no bonus for civil servants this year-end. and that is of cos no surprise given that we didn't have any mid-year bonus. but anyhow, at least we still get our 13th month bonus. even though i don't live by my salary or bonuses, any extra money is definitely welcomed. hehe. and i guess the 750 we're getting shall be used to celebrate christmas. i missed out on christmas last year, so perhaps i should double celebrate this year. heh. =D

Only 17 Friends

this message has been appearing on my fb page a few times. and when i saw it again today, it just occurred to me that it sounds like a crime to have only 17 friends. lol. what if this person has only 17 friends whom she really considers as friends? do you call someone your friend just because he/she is your friend on facebook? i hardly think so.

the term 'friend' is so loosely defined these days. it seems that as long as i've met you once, i can add you on fb as my friend. well, maybe. since i've already started referring people i'm not so close to as my facebook friend. ah, the difference from just saying this person is your friend. haha.

suddenly, it felt weird to see your name again. it even felt like you were a stranger. that we were never close. but i guess that is all for the best.

life

after seeing my doc for a review last wk, after what he said, i realised that my life will really never be the same again. the fact that there will be many things that i will never be able to do in future. and having to make some changes and adjustments to my life.

but there is nothing i can do abt it. but force myself to smile. and face life bravely.

only, there is a limit to how much i can smile for others.

most nights, when i am alone with my thoughts, i simply just breakdown and let a few tears drop.

sigh. i just wish pple will treat me normally. there's a fine line between being nice/considerate and too nice/irritatingly nice. i'm not complaining for all the niceness. but sometimes, it just makes me feel kinda stressed out and embarrassed for all the attention.

maybe i'm letting my thoughts run wild. but i've no one to cry out to. i don't think anyone is going to understand how i'm feeling anyway. it's something i gotta overcome myself.

honestly, feeling like a handicap and actually being one, is not nice at all. but that's probably how it's gonna be for the rest of my life.