Looking Back
being at home has provided me with plenty of time to think. about the past, present and future. and recently, my mind has been full of the past. it's as if i've been whirled back in time, replaying certain events that have occurred in my short mundane childhood.
being diagnosed with osteogenesis imperfecta at the tender age of six, it had freaked me out tremendously. i read up extensively on what OI was, and what could happen. most imptly, i read on how easily i could obtain fractures and how some fractures could make you a cripple or lead to permanent paralysis. at that time, i was really afraid of the future. what if i became a cripple? or if i was paralyzed? i would not be able to walk, let alone run (as a kid, being able to run was really impt). it was really a scary thought.
the pain i had to endure during that time was so unbearable that i always cried buckets of tears (was there no painkillers in the past? why didn't they give it to me?). i was completely scared and questioned endlessly on why i had to go through this pain. each fracture i get, i had to go through the whole cycle of transporting me from the place of occurrence to the hospital, the acrobatic x-rays, setting your bones as they put on the cast (i'm pretty sure my cries and screams were piercing through the whole hospital), being confined at home for 2 months, removal of cast and finally learning to walk again. and let's just say the pain throughout the whole episode was simply, out of this world. i would never wish this on anyone, but it would be difficult for one to understand without going through it themselves.
the questions of "why me?" probably lasted for 1 or 2 years before i resigned to my fate and accepted my predicament. i could not lead a normal childhood like most other kids. there was always the worry (by my parents and grandparents) that i would run and fall and sustain a fracture, or accidentally get pushed by other kids and fall and again, a fracture. thus, i ended up not having to take a single PE lesson all the way from primary school to jc (except in primary 5 when i insisted on taking PE with the reason that i did not sustain a single fracture in primary 4, but i ended up still having to stop PE when i suffered another fracture in primary 6), and never having the chance to go for recess for the whole of my primary school life (i spent 6 years of recess time alone in the classroom - it was really lonely and totally boring). i wasn't even allowed to buy myself lunch when i had to stay back for eca. either my bro would buy for me or my ah gong would deliver lunch from home in the tengkat. life then, was really restricted. i envied all the other kids who could simply run around and play all the games which i could then only sit and watch.
when i got to my teenage years, i had quite enough of not being able to do anything. i still didn't do PE, but i made my mum agree to let me attend the leadership camp which was full of rope courses (and of cos, every chance of falling and breaking my bones). at that time, i had no fear. but knowing my own condition, i took every precaution. i was careful. and perhaps, i had started to become immune to the pain and the frequent hospital visits. i just knew that if i didn't start doing the things i love, i would live to regret it.
but even with all the restrictions i had to grow up with, i never considered myself having a sad childhood. i knew i had a really loving and caring family. i also had understanding friends who knew the limit of things i could do. and the experience i had definitely made me grow up much faster than other kids. i was very independent and tried not to rely on others as much as i can. i knew money was important - how otherwise could we pay off all the hospital bills incurred. i've become a very adaptable person - i can easily change my mindset based on the situation i'm facing. i appreciate all the simple things in life and am easily content, i don't ask for more. all these have mold me into who i am today. i've become someone who accepts whatever happens to her as part of God's big plan for me, never questioning why it happened and never complaining abt the inconveniences, but just accept and move on with life. sometimes there are just simply no answers. it is the way it is.
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain
being diagnosed with osteogenesis imperfecta at the tender age of six, it had freaked me out tremendously. i read up extensively on what OI was, and what could happen. most imptly, i read on how easily i could obtain fractures and how some fractures could make you a cripple or lead to permanent paralysis. at that time, i was really afraid of the future. what if i became a cripple? or if i was paralyzed? i would not be able to walk, let alone run (as a kid, being able to run was really impt). it was really a scary thought.
the pain i had to endure during that time was so unbearable that i always cried buckets of tears (was there no painkillers in the past? why didn't they give it to me?). i was completely scared and questioned endlessly on why i had to go through this pain. each fracture i get, i had to go through the whole cycle of transporting me from the place of occurrence to the hospital, the acrobatic x-rays, setting your bones as they put on the cast (i'm pretty sure my cries and screams were piercing through the whole hospital), being confined at home for 2 months, removal of cast and finally learning to walk again. and let's just say the pain throughout the whole episode was simply, out of this world. i would never wish this on anyone, but it would be difficult for one to understand without going through it themselves.
the questions of "why me?" probably lasted for 1 or 2 years before i resigned to my fate and accepted my predicament. i could not lead a normal childhood like most other kids. there was always the worry (by my parents and grandparents) that i would run and fall and sustain a fracture, or accidentally get pushed by other kids and fall and again, a fracture. thus, i ended up not having to take a single PE lesson all the way from primary school to jc (except in primary 5 when i insisted on taking PE with the reason that i did not sustain a single fracture in primary 4, but i ended up still having to stop PE when i suffered another fracture in primary 6), and never having the chance to go for recess for the whole of my primary school life (i spent 6 years of recess time alone in the classroom - it was really lonely and totally boring). i wasn't even allowed to buy myself lunch when i had to stay back for eca. either my bro would buy for me or my ah gong would deliver lunch from home in the tengkat. life then, was really restricted. i envied all the other kids who could simply run around and play all the games which i could then only sit and watch.
when i got to my teenage years, i had quite enough of not being able to do anything. i still didn't do PE, but i made my mum agree to let me attend the leadership camp which was full of rope courses (and of cos, every chance of falling and breaking my bones). at that time, i had no fear. but knowing my own condition, i took every precaution. i was careful. and perhaps, i had started to become immune to the pain and the frequent hospital visits. i just knew that if i didn't start doing the things i love, i would live to regret it.
but even with all the restrictions i had to grow up with, i never considered myself having a sad childhood. i knew i had a really loving and caring family. i also had understanding friends who knew the limit of things i could do. and the experience i had definitely made me grow up much faster than other kids. i was very independent and tried not to rely on others as much as i can. i knew money was important - how otherwise could we pay off all the hospital bills incurred. i've become a very adaptable person - i can easily change my mindset based on the situation i'm facing. i appreciate all the simple things in life and am easily content, i don't ask for more. all these have mold me into who i am today. i've become someone who accepts whatever happens to her as part of God's big plan for me, never questioning why it happened and never complaining abt the inconveniences, but just accept and move on with life. sometimes there are just simply no answers. it is the way it is.
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain
posted by xiu at
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
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