smile. because life's worth it.

11 Things to Know at 25(ish)

2011-12-08T23:28:00.001+08:00

found this article to read from a friend's sharing on fb. found it quite relevant and in fact, are things that i've personally thought about. such as having time to find a job i love, staying out of debt, volunteering, learning to feed yourself and others (i really really do wanna learn cooking properly - being able to serve a 像样的 dinner party would be nice), finding a rhythm for spiritual disciplines and i guess, quite importantly, not getting stuck.

and then there are those that i have not really given much thought about - finding a mentor and getting counselling. i guess most people think they don't need any help, but the fact is, advice from an older person with more experience, and advice from professional help is sometimes very much needed (whether one sees it or not). i have meet-ups with colleagues (past and present) to have coffees or lunches with occasionally, and they have many times always provided me with questions to ponder about. i guess perhaps i should make an effort to meet up with them more frequently.

i regret to say that, being in the mid of my late twenties, i have yet to discover what job i would love to do, yet to do any volunteer work for the past few years, yet to learn to cook - my cooking skills are only at a very basic level (frying an egg, cooking rice/instant noodles, boiling simple soups) and yet to develop a prayer life (other than sunday, it's almost nonexistent).

unfortunately, my past three years have mostly been spent recovering from my injuries sustained from my car accident. each time i thought i would have completely recovered (that's never going to happen actually, some impairments are here to stay), a 'residue' from an old injury happens and i go back to square one - taking long medical leave, and having to extent into no-pay leave from work.

but from these period of calamity, i have discovered friends whom i know i will have to keep. friends who have been there for me throughout the entire time. friends who go out of the way to help me, providing me much needed comfort. and there were even some relatively new friends who made an effort to keep themselves updated with my condition. and of course, there is my family, who have been there for me every step of the way. there is definitely no way i could have gotten through this without them. they were there when i first regained consciousness from my nine-hour emergency operation after the accident all the way in another country, they were with me throughout my recovery, of course including now. they were just there, no complaints, because we were family. the accident may have delayed my plans to get on with life, but it has shown me that i am really blessed with very supportive and caring family and friends.

with that i am comforted. at least my past three years have not been entirely wasted, though i could probably think of ten thousand and one things i could have done, would have done during that time. well i could have thought of them, but i have never indulged myself into thinking of the 'what could have been' at all. perhaps i do not know how. honestly, i have already long forgotten how it's like to be able to walk freely, to run, to jump, to not have to plan out your journey (just to the shopping mall) way before you even step out of the house. i should not be too surprised actually, i know myself to adapt very quickly - i never had any problems adjusting in a new environment, be it in a new school, at a new workplace or even a new country. i simply go with the flow. but with that, sometimes, i do not know how to dream, of doing something different. i just take what life hands out to me. maybe i am blessed that way, i don't keep thinking of the 'what could have been' and so, i don't feel like i'm missing out too much, i am just too easily satisfied/content sometimes. i'm not one with big ambitions who needs a high flying job. all i ask for is a happy and healthy life surrounded by loved ones, family and friends.

now with the upcoming hip joint replacement (due to the avn of my left hip), it's probably going to be my last period of recovery (i'm praying really hard that it is), i have no more excuses to procrastinate. i should start giving serious thought about what i would like to do next. what makes me happy? what do i really want? actually it's not that difficult, my basic requirement is just to be happy, in whatever i do. and then there's perhaps a slightly 'harder' one - to experience as many things as possible. and one of those items on my list - study or work overseas for a period of at least twelve months. it's not just the freedom that i crave (i honestly do not like having to report my every movement to someone), but i think it is really good training for one to grow up, be more independent and become more like an adult (most people get married and have kids to do that, but i have seen many who still remain a kid themselves even after having their own kids. plus i doubt i will be able to get married anytime soon, so this is probably the best avenue for me to go).

after writing so much, i guess there's no time better than now to get started on 'getting on with my life'. so instead of just waiting around, i'll have to stop procrastinating and start taking some action. but it's late now, so i'll start early tomorrow (speaking of which, i need to stop 'oversleeping' and give myself more meaning to wake up earlier).

time for bed. goodnight world! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."— Mark Twain

a story

2011-11-25T17:58:00.001+08:00

there's a story to tell,
but it is one that i cannot tell.

there's someone to like,
but it's someone whom i cannot like.

there are so many things to say,
but i do not know where to begin.

ask me, and perhaps i will spill.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

hello again

2011-11-20T00:17:00.001+08:00

i know, it's been awhile. what with updating facebook and twitter and now weibo too (that's another story), the blog gets left out. i'm sorry, for i should know how that feels.

well, as it goes, this place is still where one can probably get a glimpse of who i really am and what i really feel. the others (fb etc) are really just a cover, or rather where i mainly post happy feelings. here is where you can find a more melancholic me (but seriously, no one likes that, which is why it doesn't go on fb/twitter - i feel they're more for happy things).

anyway, i'm here because i took a quiz on http://colorquiz.com and didn't really feel like posting on fb, so shall post it here for myself to remember. here goes...

Color Test - Results

Your Existing Situation

"Craves change and new things, always looking for new adventures and activities. Becomes restless and frustrated when she has to wait too long for things to develop. her impatience leads to irritability and a desire to move on to the next project."

Your Stress Sources

"Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of himself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important."

Your Restrained Characteristics

Her confidence is low but she is unable to admit that is the reason for her avoidance of conflict. Feels it is a situation out of her control and she is making the best of it.

Her arrogance causes her to take offense quickly. Only those closest to her know deep down she is sensitive and sentimental.

"Emotionally withdrawn, feels forced to make compromises which makes emotional attachments difficult."

Your Desired Objective

"Highly optimistic and outgoing personality. Loves to learn new and exciting things, and craves new interests. Looking for a well-rounded life full of success and new experiences. Does not allow herself to be overcome with negative thoughts or self-doubt. Takes life head on, with enthusiasm. "

Your Actual Problem

"Enjoys making new plans and goals, but needs to be respected and admired for the things she accomplishes."

i think it's rather accurate to an extent.

well that's all for now.

it's late and it's time for bed.

goodnight.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

a rather eventful week

2011-05-19T23:59:00.007+08:00

it has been a rather eventful week, starting from saturday. am feeling it's a good time to recap my week as i would liked it to be remembered :)

saturday. went to catch "no regrets: a tribute to edith piaf" by hossan leong, robin goh, denise tan and company at the dbs arts centre with a friend. and i never expected myself to actually fall in love with all those french songs (even though i don't understand a single word of french, except maybe bonjour). but edith piaf's songs were really lovely. the music just touch your heart. and now i know why she was such a french icon of her time. her life was reenacted on stage through hossan's narration and it was nice to get acquainted with this french icon.

thereafter, dinner was at a german restaurant called brotzeit at 313. detoured to paradigm infinitum as it was still early. i was first brought to pi by the ex, and now i'm here again. well, i guess some thoughts/memories are better kept to myself. anyway, dinner was great though i think there was too much fats on the pork knuckles for me to enjoy it thoroughly. we had a nice time chatting away. i would have been quite glad for the night to last longer. but i guess all good things must come to an end. and i guess the song for the day would have to be 'somewhere over the rainbow' :)

sunday. attended bro's rite of acceptance. mass was rather interesting as father emmanuel conducted his homily in a different way by having a conversation with two other people. sad to say though that i kinda switched off at some parts as i had a hard time trying to understand father emmanuel's english. i will work harder to understand his accent so i won't keep switching myself off. heh.

monday. saw the doctor who delivered the verdict on the 'status' of my op. but got scolded by him first for deciding on my own to walk with only one side of the crutch. if he knew i walked with the walking stick as well, i think he will jump sky high. anyway, went in and out of the x-ray room three times. was granted permission to finally ditch the walking stick too. and so, from today on, we will pray very hard and see how things go! my dear left hip, please pass the one year test. i appreciate your kind cooperation. thank you.

tuesday. it's vesak day holiday and my family decided to catch a movie at the newly renovated lido. so we decided on 'thor' since it was the in-movie to catch at that point in time. lido looks quite impressive on the outside. in the theatres, the seats were nice, but we felt like we had to go through a maze to get to our theatre and then climb a mountain to get to our seats. definitely not handicapped friendly at all. thank god i was much better le, and had plenty of secret exercises before that day, in order to climb those steps without too much difficulty. we had bk for lunch (yay! my once-a-wk beef fix), shopped for shoes at ion (geox and aldo), grocery shopped for sushi ingredients, and ended up shopping for shoes (again!), this time at isetan (bought another two pairs - elyse and guess). i have not spent so much money in one day for a very very very long time. so, i guess this is forgivable :)

wednesday. returned for rcia lessons with the bro in church in the evening. it was... nice to be welcomed back. but out-of-place as i was away for too long (so did not know most people). no matter, i'm sure i'll blend in again soon enough. it's nice to be back in god's company :)

thursday. i usually get more things done when i am busy. was home the whole day but felt more accomplished today than any of the other days. managed to watch 'we are singaporeans' from the night before, an episode of glee (funeral), the season six finale of how i met your mother (can't wait for season seven now!) and last but not least, the social network (like, finally!). in between, i managed to upload all my postcards from postcrossing onto facebook and put in all the captions too! :)

friday. has not occurred yet, but the plan is to watch sharpay's fabulous adventures with donut in the morning, make sushi in the afternoon, and picnic plus macbeth with a friend at fort canning park in the evening :) sounds like a busy day ahead. so without further ado, i shall retire to my bed. will blog about friday when time allows.

goodnight world! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

no regrets

2011-05-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

finally, it's six weeks after my bone graft op! i'm feeling real optimistic about this op. so hopefully it doesn't disappoint me later. as my friend said, "i think you are due some good luck for a change!" :) so saw my doctor today for review. and he said to give it five years to prove its 'worth'. well sounds very much like our recently concluded ge, doesn't it? where we're all told that the mps have five years to prove themselves too. (sorry, i couldn't help it but make that reference - ge has kinda been my life for almost two whole weeks.)

my doctor had a new young doctor in tow today. and he exclaimed in surprise when he saw the number of x-rays i had done at the hospital and the thick file of medical records i had there. this made my doctor comment (yet again), "yes it's a lot, and actually she's very lucky to be alive". i get reminded time and again that i'm really lucky to have survived that accident. so i couldn't help but wonder why the big man upstairs decided that i should live on?

honestly speaking, and i think i've mentioned this before (not to be morbid, but i'm just stating how i really felt), if i had died there and then, it would be without regrets (though i might just feel really bad for inflicting such pain on my family and not being able to be there to provide for my ah-ma and parents in their old age).

of course, i did wonder why i felt that i had no regrets. well, i guess it's mainly because i felt i have done and experienced plenty of things in my short (then) twenty-four years on earth. i also felt there was nothing here to hold me behind. it's like, i felt i have already lived my life to quite the fullest. true, i have yet to experience marriage, having my own family, growing old, playing with grandchildren. but at that point in time (even now), it was not something i was craving for or felt that i had to have. a single life was suiting me very fine.

i think i've lived quite a colourful life. i had a good education. i made many good friends. i have a great loving family (hence, no desire that i have to start another one). i had a stint working and travelling in the states. i travelled extensively in 2008 (hk with colleagues, bintan with friends, taiwan+hk with cousins, chennai with students, melbourne with bro & wei - all in one year!). i had a go at working life. i spent my free time doing things i enjoy - reading, watching plays & musicals, spending time with family. i exercised whenever i could.

perhaps, the only thing that i did not make time for was God. though i did still go for sunday mass, i attended liss that year, and i helped out in the alpha course every thursday in church. despite all my involvement in church that year, i definitely felt myself drifting away. and yes, i felt guilty for not trying hard enough to communicate with Him. this might probably be my only regret - not spending enough time in prayer (nor having the want to). so perhaps He decided to keep me alive so that i could first grow closer to Him before taking me away?

but no matter, the Lord's comforting hand is never far away. He did not leave me (to die) even though i had drifted away from Him. during my most painful time (literally) in the hospital (the first week after the accident), i often felt His hand holding mine. at first i thought it was my mum's or my sister's, but after sometime, it was apparent that they were usually some distance away or not around when this happened. it was then i knew that He was the one keeping me company when i thought i was alone. ever since, i loved being alone. because it is then i could feel His presence most - and feel peace, hope and love :)

"peace i leave with you; my peace i give you. i do not give to you as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - john 14:27

men are from mars, women are from venus

2011-05-15T23:34:00.001+08:00

i'm not so sure if it's too early to blog about this. because it's still early days, and i don't want to have too much hope in it yet. now i know why so many women choose to remain single. i was recently reminded that relationships are simply just way too complicated. a single life is well, just much less complicated. it is so-called 'pain-free'. but then again, without experiencing pain, you will not know or treasure the painless days.

if they say a girl is hard to read, i think a guy is just as hard to read. our minds and brains just work differently. which is why a book called "men are from mars, women are from venus" exists. maybe i should give this book a read. i'm finding it really hard trying to 'read' you.

i shall not pretend to be an expert on guys. after all, i've only been in one relationship in my whole twenty-seven years of living. and at the end of that relationship, i found out that i really did not know him at all. he said and did things which hurt me so deeply that i'm not sure i will ever forget them (after close to four years, i can still remember every word he said. i don't feel the hurt anymore, i would say that i have definitely gotten over him till the point of some hatred, but there are some things that will just scar you for life, whether you like it or not).

i know that it's very selfish of me, but i have recently realised that we actually have too many common friends and i wish he will stop talking to these friends (at least the closer ones and especially those who know him through me). it's like i don't want to have anything to do with him anymore, i just want him out of my life. but i know, it will be way too selfish to ask my friends not to be his friends just because of the way i feel. and i will never ask my friends to do that. we all have our own freedom to choose the friends we want to make and keep, so who am i to ask this of my friends?

okay enough about the ex. so yes, i kinda met someone else whom i have a good feeling about. someone who, in my opinion, is very charismatic (which is equivalent to someone who can talk very well and can be charming at the same time - it could be both good and bad). someone whom i simply enjoy his company very much and know that i can always have a good time with. someone whom i've been thinking about quite abit for the past few weeks. i guess we're now only in the getting to know each other stage (as friends). and the more i find out about him, the more i realised how similar he actually is to him. you know the phrase, same same but different.

thoughts are currently quite all over the place about this. can't really put them down into words. but i do wish i know what he is thinking. because some of his actions are well, quite contradictory. perhaps, when things between us become clearer, i will blog about it again. but right now, all i can say is, i really do kinda like him :)

blogging

2011-05-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

after three entries earlier today, i finally understood why some people have to blog. there are just some things you need to get off your chest, but there is simply no suitable audience for you to pour it out to. and i guess blogging, the physicality of typing it out, relieves it from you. i'm feeling much better after finally penning down thoughts, reflections, that have been swimming in my head for months and months.

though of course, the first entry for today was only in my head for less than twenty-four hours. but the intensity of those thoughts was too much for me to bear that i had to write it down somewhere. putting it down and being able to read your thoughts again physically actually helps me to think and process the initial thoughts better. and yes, i guess, once again, i have to promise myself that i will blog more often (i say it all the time but always end up stopping just after a few days).

it doesn't matter who is actually reading this. because i just needed this avenue to pen down my thoughts. but to my friends who are still reading my blog, even when i blog so irregularly, thank you. you have the privilege of entering the different layers of my mind and perhaps, get to know the other side of me, the real me or simply, just to know me better. (in harry potter terms, you are practising legilimency - haha yes, i have been reading too much harry potter. onto the sixth book now!)

be happy

2011-05-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

in case you start thinking that i'm a sad person, i had better start posting about something happier. i do not usually dwell on unhappy things. in fact, i am generally very happy almost everyday. because, yes, i know i'm not alone :)

despite all that has happened to me, i think my life is generally quite good. what more can you ask for when you have a family who loves you so much and who will willingly throw aside whatever they are doing just so they can be there for you during your most difficult time?

indeed, it's time i take stock of my life and ask myself if i could do the same thing for them. i'm sure i could. but at the same time, i do not need or want to 'test' it out because i do not wish the same suffering i had upon them. i'm glad that i am the one who has to suffer all these instead of them. i'm not so sure if they could take it as well as me. and that's why we have different trials and obstacles in life. they are there to strengthen us, and for us to know ourselves a little better.

so live life happily. there is no point in dwelling in the past, or being unhappy all the time. find something to look forward to. i think it is important to be proactive in life. to plan for things but yet go with the flow at the same time. be spontaneous. you can have a standard of things, but try to lower your expectations if you or people around you are unable to meet them. be content with what you have, but never stop trying for more. and i believe that giving is better than receiving. so i give generously, and i expect nothing in return.

of course, i don't think myself as a perfect being. but i try, to the best of my ability, to keep the people around me happy. it kinda upsets me when people are sad. i would somehow think that it is my fault. that i did not do enough to keep them happy. and i guess, that's one of my weakness (because i end up feeling really bad).

so after much thinking, this is my philosophy in life - be happy. be spontaneous. be content. be giving.

no matter what life throws at you, know that you are never alone :) and yes, Jesus is the centre of my life :)

a dream

2011-05-15T14:09:00.001+08:00

i had a dream the other night. most people will probably call it a nightmare. but you'll supposed to feel scared during a nightmare right? but somehow i wasn't scared. actually, the scary thing was how i didn't feel scared. this was how the dream went...

i was in a car with my brother driving. we were in a car race. i can't remember what kind of car race, but it obviously involves high speed driving. so as he was driving at a super high speed, we suddenly found ourselves in an accident. again, i did not witness how it happened. it was one moment driving, and the next moment we were already injured with the windscreen shattered.

glass shards were embedded in my skin everywhere and caused my tibia bones to be exposed on both legs. it looked gross and disgusting. but in the dream, i was very calm, telling my family not to worry about me. it was just another accident. i remember thinking to myself that it's okay, i will heal and recover. it's not a big deal.

with that, i woke up. the sun was just beginning to rise. instinctively, i felt for both my legs. and discovered that it was only just a dream. relief overcame me. the dream felt that real to me. i couldn't believe that, in the dream, i accepted the fact that i was once again in an accident so readily that i wondered if there was something wrong with me. anybody in the right mind would have panicked. how could i be so calm and resigned to my fate so easily?

well, perhaps, i have indeed resigned to my fate. that misfortunes will follow me wherever i go. and indeed, people who know me knows that i accept whatever befalls on me readily. i don't complain much about what i have been put through. i may sometimes feel it's unfair and still continue to hope for a better life. but i trust that God has plans for me. and He did not leave me alone. He gave me a strong mind and strong willpower. and He also gave me a very supportive family, and a close group of friends. i know i definitely won't be able to do this without them. i know i am not alone.

He will walk with me through this and carry me whenever i fall.

heart, be still

2011-05-15T09:43:00.001+08:00

there are too many similarities
between you and him.
so much so that it kinda
scares me.

and as much as my heart feels
there might be something,
but i can't help but decide that
i have to thread the water
really carefully. and perhaps,
if there is a need,
to close it up, and
pretend that it was not moved.

i don't think my heart can take another letdown.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

melancholic

2011-03-09T13:18:00.002+08:00

heard a piece of good news yesterday.
well, good news for the friend.
but not sure if it's good to me.
still, i'm happy for this friend.

at the end of the day, i'm left to wonder,
what are you so nice to me for?

i don't think i will ever get an answer.
so life goes on.
i have many other things to look forward to this week.
to cheer me up.
starting with rcia tonight :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

i honestly thinkone of the best strength i have is
hiding my real emotions,
to smile and be happy
despite not really feeling that way.

no one owes you their day,
so the least you could do is
be happy and not spoil their day.

CNY

2011-02-09T19:51:00.000+08:00

time really flies. and suddenly, it's been three months since my last entry.

so what have i been up to since? well, in and out of the hospital lor. what else right? that seems to be my most common activity for now. when i was young, sgh was my second home. and now, it is my second home yet again.

i'm actually feeling quite sleepy, i.e. not awake enough to blog. but tot i have got to do something abt this blog before it completely dies off. and so here i am to make as random an entry as possible.

it's the cny period now and i really do love cny (even if everyone else hates it). decided to do something different this year and baked plenty of goodies - pineapple tarts, honey cornflakes cookies, chocolate chip cookies, crunchy cheese cookies, marshmellow-coated cornflakes drops. the most salable one being the honey cornflakes cookies. it's the easiest to make of the five. i wouldn't mind baking for a living. perhaps i can consider that one day. but first, i think i should take up a professional baking class to learn all the different techniques. plus of course i gotta invest in a proper oven to bake. i've been using the microwave. i guess using an oven might give a slightly different end product? not sure either. won't know until i tried it.

i would really love to blog more but i'm falling asleep in front of my comp right now. so think i better get out of my room and do something else before i actually find myself crawling onto my bed at eight pm!

happy 人日 everyone! remember to eat 七样菜 today! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

emcee

2010-11-13T01:12:00.002+08:00

emcees. i don't quite understand how people (or rather my friends) choose their emcees. if they knew how much stage fright and zero stage presence i have, they probably won't choose me. but as much as i have stage fright, i would really love to overcome it too. so now, i am going to be emcee at two weddings. and on top of that, i have to give a speech at another.

maybe this is God's way of telling me that i have a future in that direction. well, perhaps. but we won't know until all this is over. so let's just wait and see what happens.

i just hope i don't disappoint my friends who have put such great faith in me. i will do my best! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

leave

2010-11-12T01:18:00.002+08:00

i am once again, on leave. medical leave, that is.

but all my leaves haven't been much of a leave (and that includes both medical and annual leave) when people still expect you to reply their emails and call you at least three to five times a day. sigh.

okay, shan't complain anymore since this is going nowhere. i kinda feel i owe them too much to be too ji jiao on these matters. though i really do wish i could have some real leave. maybe that's why i really don't mind going on no-pay leave if i can't work from home.

i wonder how long this condition will last this time. according to the doctor, it seems that i will be ridden with this for at least the next few years. i definitely won't be well so soon. i wonder when i can continue my life again. two years. some people said it has only been two years and i am considered to have recovered rather quickly. some others have commented, it's already been two years - you should be up and running, why are you taking so long? well perhaps those weren't the exact words, but they definitely kind of meant that.

talking about it like this makes everything sound so grim. definitely feel the tears coming on. but well, i know this is just yet another obstacle i have to overcome (they just keep coming, don't they?), so i will get through this! of course, with the help of my really supportive family, friends, and the big man upstairs (you do hear me, don't you?). i'm no longer going to put a date to when i can do this or that. i guess i'll just have to live by the day for now. and i will stay happy! :)

amen.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

typing

2010-09-29T13:35:00.001+08:00

i like the feeling of typing, especially that i don't have to search for the letters on the keyboard and my fingers automatically know where to type. i don't even really have to look at the computer screen as i'm typing. i can just let my fingers run and my eyes can be roaming elsewhere in the room (like watching the tv or spying for people walking past my cubicle). but most of the time, i look at the screen just to make sure i don't make any mistakes and also to look like i'm doing serious work at the same time too. haha.

and that is why i am blogging now. because my fingers are itching to type. i've no idea why. but my fingers just felt a need to type something. and the only place i can type randomly whatever i want is here. unless i just practise my typing on ms words by typing the following sentence over and over again (that is how, btw, i managed to learn to type without looking at the keyboard):

"the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"

i love the fact that such a simple sentence allows you to type out every letter in the alphabet. this is known as an english-language pangram, that is a phrase that contains all letters of the alphabet.

that's about all i have for now. back to reality.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

theatre productions

2010-09-29T00:17:00.002+08:00

just realised the title of my last four posts were all adjectives to describe emotions/feelings. oh dear, when did i become so emo? omg i think that's what happens when you blog as and when you please, instead of selectively. hmm. does this mean people who blog often are emo creatures?

anyway, just spent the last hour booking tickets for three shows - one musical, one stand-up christmas comedy, and one dinosaur show. how all very different. one more musical i wanna watch but haven't found anyone to watch with yet. hopefully can find someone soon! otherwise i think i may have to end up watching it by myself. and that's not a very good thing, right? :(

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

moody

2010-09-28T16:30:00.001+08:00

am in a totally "don't feel like working" mood.

now, i just have to get the induction for the newbies over and done with. then i can sit back, relax and wait to knock off.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

emo

2010-09-28T09:37:00.000+08:00

i'm trying to pretend that i don't care. but actually, i think i kind of do.

it's okay. it doesn't matter. i've told myself that i will not get involved until i've gone and come back from my overseas studies. that one heartbreak over an sms was enough to last a lifetime.

sorry that i've been posting such emo posts recently. just ignore me. i'll be fine in awhile :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

jinx

2010-09-28T00:19:00.001+08:00

sometimes, some words cannot be spoken too soon. i didn't used to believe that saying things will jinx it. but now, i'm slowly starting to believe it. a recent spat of events have caused me to think that way.

don't speak too soon, because you never know when you may be made to eat your own words.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

happy

2010-09-27T11:50:00.000+08:00

i had a good weekend. and i'm just feeling happy, contented. even though the weekend really sucked up all my energy and i'm really really tired now. just somehow feeling a sudden burst of energy coming from inside of me. and i honestly have no idea why.

shall blog more after work. for now, i feel like i'm living in my own happy little world. =)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

weddings

2010-09-23T00:02:00.001+08:00

i know i have not been updating for a very long time. but i've no idea where my time has gone for the past few weeks. probably just too tired from work.

what happened to my "one post a day"?

okay i promise i will get back into that routine. i found it liberating, having my thoughts written out, instead of just re-thinking them over and over again in my head. sometimes you can think of something so much that it feels real to you even if it's not.

just some good news to share, i'm beginning to feel quite normal walking! so happy!! :) and i think i can probably wear heels (not the really high ones of course) for ade's wedding! yay!! :) i'm so looking forward to her wedding as if i'm marrying away my own sister. but she has indeed been like a sister to me these few years, so i hope we can plan an unforgettable one for her! even if she thinks it's no big deal.

and i got myself some extra work to do by agreeing to be the emcee for jeff's wedding. hmm. now i'm wondering why the heck did i agree when i have stage fright?? my heart is so split into two. half of it really wants to do it (because it's just so nice to be able to do something for a friend's wedding) and the other half is just writhing in fear (suddenly got reminded of the feeling you get in the presence of the dementors in harry potter).

okay since i've agreed, i shall not look back. better than having myself to keep thinking what it would have been like if i agreed. i definitely know how it would be like if i didn't agree. i'll just appear at his wedding, have my lunch, interact with my friends, take photos, yum seng and then leave. so hopefully, this will be a good different experience! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

lovely carbonara!

2010-08-29T01:15:00.000+08:00

my first attempt at carbonara (on the fateful day of 26 Aug 10) - the sauce was a little tasteless (didn't seasoned properly) and i used hickory bacon with honey & maple syrup. the sauce was not creamy enough, and insufficient too. and the bacon had lots and lots of fatty bits and couldn't really taste much of it either.

i decided to try it again the next day (not that i did not want to give up but because i wanted to use up the double cream i bought and also because it's my last day of "freedom" at home). this time i decided to be more adventurous and went with the feel of it (instead of referring to the recipe like a bible). and indeed, it turned out much better! so these are what went into the carbonara:

smoked turkey ham - i managed to sneak taste a few pieces and they taste yummy~! the taste is also preserved (and probably enhanced) after frying it. but it cost 13 bucks for 6 pieces of this ham - expensive!

the creamy carbonara sauce - you really don't wanna know what exactly went into this...

but for those interested, these are what i used for the sauce - parmesan cheese, double cream and egg yolks (many many egg yolks =.="). the olive oil is used for frying the smoked turkey ham.

the end product! much much better than my first attempt! though i think i could have been more generous with the sauce by adding more water. to prevent the jialiat-ness, we added baco-bits to counter the creaminess. it's really easy to cook and i love it! :) but gonna have to try and find healthier alternatives to the ingredients i used o.O

p.s. the recipe i used as a guideline can be found here by jamie oliver.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

it's been three years...

2010-08-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

...and tears can still well up in my eyes. and i thought i was totally over it.

well, maybe not.

or maybe, it was the only thing that has ever hurt me that much. and it's not something that i can simply just forget.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Two More Years

2010-08-23T02:02:00.001+08:00

that is all i'm going to give myself. for my life to return to total normalcy. and i can go travelling freely again.

given my current state, there are many things that i cannot do/take part in, do too slow, get tired easily from doing etc. so i guess it is normal that friends do not ask me out as often, automatically leave me out when planning for certain activities, and so on. nothing wrong with that, but somehow, i get that littlest childish feeling of being left out. and i start to wonder. when will i be okay enough to be included in these certain activities? and even if i do become better, will i even be included since it has already become a habit to just leave me out?

it is a such a childish thought, i know. but sometimes, it is tiring to always be the one asking others out, just because others don't know if or when i am well enough to go out. and if i'm not the one asking others out, i know i will just be stuck at home everyday because no one will ask me out.

but of course, i say all these just because of a passing random thought. i do not really feel that way at all, except perhaps when i'm pms-ing or in a rare bad mood. i do not live my days filled with such negative thoughts. instead, i am thankful for the things that i am still able to do. and i am happy that i have the energy to still organise gatherings and go out for the occasional movies, dinners and plays. it doesn't really matter who's the one doing the asking, and the organising - i'm just glad that people are still even willing to go out or hang out with me, despite all the inconveniences i bring along.

so yes, life still ain't too bad after all. we just need to learn to look at the bright side of things and stop thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Food Glorious Food!

2010-08-20T00:26:00.001+08:00

happened to chance upon the above postcard on postcrossing that shows the recipe to make "Kaiserschmarren". kai-what you say? curious too, i went to google it and found out that it's an austrian dessert which is a light carmelised pancake that looks like this:

the recipe looks easy enough, but staying at my grandma's house means i can't try out recipes that requires an oven or microwave since she doesn't have one and yet don't allow me to buy one for her (so i can use it!). so i got a little inspired and decided to surf around for other recipes. and that lead to such yummy pictures of food that other people cooked that i'm feeling really really inspired. how i wish i could have my own kitchen to do my own cooking one day!

mushroom bruschetta - this seems easy enough to try

huevos habaneros (eggs havana style) - this looks totally yummy! i love eggs!

crispy tofu with salted eggs - looks really good!

delicious creamy mashed potatoes - if you know what goes into this, you'll be on diet for days after!

atayef (pancakes) with blueberry sauce and cream cheese - simple and delightful!

spaghetti carbonara - oh this is making me hungry!

ah carbonara. *swoons* i think i will always have a soft spot in my heart for carbonara, so perhaps i shall start my cooking (if ever) with this dish! :)

the above food photos with credits to The Little Teochew.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Mad Rush

2010-08-07T15:11:00.002+08:00

it's been a mad rush week, this being the last week at work before i go for my op next week which will probably result in at least 2 to 3 weeks of medical leave.

and so, even right now, on a saturday of a long weekend, i don't feel like i could really relax. too many unfinished business. i feel like somehow, i may be going into the operating theatre and never coming out of it again. well, no matter how small or minor the op is, there's always this small possibility right? so i tried my best to tie up whatever loose ends there were, made sure that there's a continuity of whatever work i was doing, just so, hopefully, i could have some rest for the next two weeks.

one of my hods knew i was feeling really stressed out yesterday and did not have time for lunch, so she made me a cup of mushroom soup despite being really busy herself too. i was so touched! thank God for surrounding me with such wonderful people. was feeling really overwhelmed with all my work and was close to breaking down - He sure knows how to save you from having a mental breakdown!

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Squatting

2010-08-01T23:55:00.001+08:00

just some random thought - since i am most likely unable to squat again due to my bad knee injury, what happens if i was living in the old singapore where there were no sitting toilets, only squatting ones? going to the toilet would be such a pain.

then i thought again - if my accident took place during that time, medical help and facilities probably might not be so advanced and i probably wouldn't be able to survive the accident to worry about that.

and so, that put an end to my random thought. sorry for being so random tonight.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

外婆

2010-07-31T23:48:00.001+08:00

我的黑色会外婆！祝您生日快乐！

celebrated my ah-ma's seventy-fifth birthday today out at a vegetarian restaurant (as we usually do every year). glad that everyone could make it! :) it's always a happy affair gathering everyone together. i wish we could gather more often like this. but somehow, our hectic schedules just simply don't allow it. but still, i love my ah-ma and my family! ♥♥♥

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Inception

2010-07-30T23:15:00.002+08:00

finally, after hearing so much about the much-raved about inception, i went with wei to watch it this evening. i think i have heard so much about it that i've no idea what to think when the show ended. but still, the show is quite exciting. it keeps you on the edge of your seat almost throughout the show.

i ended up having the following questions constantly in my head: "will they get out alive?", "will they be able to complete their task?", "will they end up in limbo instead?". truth to be told, i actually felt kinda stressed during the show - trying to follow, understand, and ultimately, appreciate and enjoy it.

at the end of it all, i still think the idea behind inception is pretty much similar to that of matrix, just in a more complex form, i.e. complex matrix. but i must say that the it's still pretty ingenious. and overall, it's really quite cool. the way they had to really plan everything right down to the last nanosecond, and the way they could improvise and think on the spot is really quite exciting - a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream.

but the parts with the wife is like a horror show - she is kinda scary. and all i could think was, this cobb is one troubled man. i mean, to have that amount of baggage, and seeing his dead wife and kids in every single dream he has, how tiring it must be to be living like that. so i guess at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether it's a dream or reality, i think as long as you're happy is what that really matters. ^^

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

The HQ Officer

2010-07-29T22:55:00.010+08:00

yesterday i sent an email query to hq to ask a question. a simple one-liner answer from them would suffice. but in addition to that, the hq officer had to add on by asking me the following questions:

"May I know are you a new AM who has just joined the school ?

May I know do you have any more query ?

Fyi. I always try my best to download to schools those grants that are within my control on time and if any is any delay, I will always drop an email to inform schools."

there were some other comments too but her first question above was the one that really put me off. and reading such an email first thing in the morning was not really such a gd idea. i was feeling so irritated by her remarks so i replied:

"I am not a new AM who has joined the school but I believe that not only new AMs are entitled to queries. I believe that if we're in doubt, we should ask to avoid future misunderstandings.

Fyi, I'm not doubting that you're not doing your best to download to schools the grants on time, neither have I actually thought about it. My email was simply just to clear my bosses' doubts."

and not wanting to sound rude or invite further trouble, i ended off with:

"Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it very much for clearing our doubts."

seriously, what is wrong with these hq people? do they really think we enjoy asking them questions? and if only new ams can ask them question, does that mean they will be out of a job if moe doesn't employ anymore new ams? asking me ridiculously questions will only get you not-so-friendly answers. there are ams who have been doing their job for twenty years and even they have some things that they do not know (seriously, i know one who is like that, because i had a query, i tried asking her, she couldn't answer and simply asked me to go check with hq and since then, i've stopped asking her anything).

i do know that she was trying to be sarcastic - her underlying meaning from her question would be "if you're not a new am, shouldn't you already know this?" it is obvious she thinks i am asking a stupid question. though honestly, most of the time, the questions that my bosses wants to me ask are, often but not, stupid questions. but what to do, they prefer to hear answers given from hq, my words alone are not strong enough. to them, i've not been in this line long enough to give them the security that i know my stuff. well that is true sometimes, but i have learnt to be firmed when i know i am right.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Simply Nothing

2010-07-28T23:51:00.000+08:00

my aim was to post an entry a day with at least a picture. but today, i have absolutely nothing to post. my mind is blank and i feel a dis-interest in everything.

right now, i'm just feeling real tired even after just awaking from a three-hour nap which i took immediately after work. this is me just pms-ing and trying to post something despite having nothing to post. i think i should just go back to sleep. goodnight world!

i wish it was peace that i feel with this mind blank - but sadly, it isn't :(

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

The Principal

2010-07-27T22:07:00.002+08:00

my p is a really weird man. one day recently, he suddenly walked to my cubicle, with a solemn look, and the following conversation took place:

p: i have something for you to do now (in my mind, i was thinking it was something important)
p: i need you to find out for me how much it is to rent a treadmill.
me: oh, you mean for the school? but we already have treadmills. (sudden realisation) oh or you mean you want it for yourself?
p: yes for myself. i want to put one at home. (chey, and i really thought he had something important to tell me)
me: isn't it cheaper to buy than to rent? how long do you want to rent?
p: for 2-3 years. i think rent maybe about $50 a month?
me: i don't think so la. for so long, definitely cheaper to buy la. (i went on to quote my own experience in trying to rent wheelchairs and beds - in which buying was definitely more worth it than renting)

which reminds me, i still have no idea where to help him start looking seeing that i'm totally clueless about treadmills. he should go to a sports shop to shop! maybe i can just lend him my world of sports membership discount card. hmph.

i forgot how random my p can be. sometimes asking people to do things for him out of nowhere. i still remember one particular time he 'made' me helped his family book a badminton court online.

but it's these little 'unexpected' things that makes your work just that slightly more interesting.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

The Primary School Friend

2010-07-26T21:36:00.000+08:00

awww this is so cute i had to post it :)

other than my family members, primary school friends are probably the oldest friends i can remember. i completely have no memory of my kindergarten friends - though i later on found out that one of my st nicks friends was in the same kindergarten as i am.

i have this primary school friend who stays in the same block as my ah-ma. but i have never talked to him since we left primary school (probably except once), even during chance meeting at the lift. though usually during those chance meetings, by the time we recognised each other, it was time for me to exit the lift.

so today, we had time to realise that each other was there. so we spent those two short minutes in the lift catching up - with only enough time to find out what each other is doing now. i kinda felt that he probably wanted to talk somemore. but somehow, my floor reached, and it was, like before, just time to exit the lift. and which i did.

but it was nice to somehow finally acknowledge each other after a whole fourteen years of living in such close proximity but never talking. so i found out that he has signed on with the navy after army, and just returned from a six months trip to the usa. wow. never did i expect myself to have a friend in the navy.

well it's like a lost friend found, albeit too short a reunion. but if it's fate, may our paths cross again.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

the cow and the monkey

2010-07-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to the monkey and the cow! :)

one is eighteen (totally doesn't look like it) and the other is well, i shall let the cake tell you her age.

happy moo-day dear sista!

ordered the cake from a friend as i've seen his online posts on fb on all his lovely creations and i tot i gotta try his cakes one day. so finally found an excuse to order a cake from him and the above is what i got. i totally had no idea how the cake would turn out - i only told him i want a purple cake with a cow and the wordings. and i left the rest up to him.

so how the cake looked like was a 'surprise' to myself as well on the day itself. i'm happy with it as long as my sis was happy with it. so other than the fact that the cake was kinda inedible (as it was really too sweet and 'heavy-duty'), the design of the cake wow-ed all of us. especially since this was done by one person, handmade with no special machines in an ordinary kitchen.

so happy birthday to the two youngest in the chen & lim family respectively! thanks for being the entertainment centres in the family, but please do 快高长大! ;)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

八仙

2010-07-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

on a what otherwise would be a boring saturday, the 八仙 gathered once again where the three hollanders came over to ah-ma's house to play some boardgames, mainly pictionary man, big taboo (that's the game with bendy bob btw) and cranium and later, wii. it was lots of fun and laughter, as all our times spent together are - something i deeply and always miss, cherish and love. we celebrated the cow's birthday (and the monkey's too) at the same time.

this is us - dog, monkey, rabbit, mouse, rabbit, tiger/cow, horse & snake

it is always lovely and heartwarming and the safe feeling you get to know that you have such a close family and there are always people you can count on to bring cheer to you in times of any sadness or difficulty. as we all grow older and have lesser time to meet up with each other, we still (or at least try to) remain as close as possible. the 默契 we have with one another is something that is precious, cannot be replaced and something that hopefully will not be lost with time. cheers to our everlasting family-ship! and thanks to all of you for a wonderful saturday! :)

p.s. will post photos on fb soon! ^^

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Dilemma

2010-07-23T22:00:00.042+08:00

what do you do when you have to choose between doing something right and being a friend?

prisoners' dilemma - omg i studied this in game theory for my honours year!

recently found out one of my teachers submitted an illegitimate claim for lds by claiming the cost of two play tickets for himself and his partner who attended the production with him. well, claiming for himself is fine, but not for the partner.

it was too bad that the claim was picked up by the system to be checked by the office. if it did not go through the office and we did not know about it, well i would say good for him. but too bad i had to see it. my dilemma lasted probably all of 5 minutes before i decided i had to do the right thing. so i had to tell him to put up the required form (to kinda admit to hq that he had put up an illegitimate claim) and get hq to claim back the reimbursement that was given to him (by deducting from his next salary i suppose).

sometimes i wonder if these teachers really do not know what they can or cannot claim, or they are just acting blur, trying and pushing their luck. i mean, this would probably be an obvious case that you cannot claim for an amount paid for someone else, plus i just reminded them not too long ago that they can only make claims for their own personal use and not for others.

i've known of other teachers doing the above, got caught by hq and received warning letters. is it worth it? just for those few dollars to put your career at risk? it is two very different situations for the case to be picked up by the school and for it to be picked up by hq. well, it is too bad if he doesn't understand why i couldn't close one eye and not be difficult with him.

blogger's dilemma - lol i realised i face this dilemma pretty often! especially so on fb.

"to post or not to post?" "to comment or not to comment?"

on another note, i met up with yn, an ex-colleague for dinner. and we had a great time just chatting and mostly me updating him on the school like staff movements and new happenings. but we did talk about other things too that's going on in our lives. he was my lunch and kopi kaki in school, someone i got to know better during the hk trip, i could talk to and was like a 大哥 to me (coincidentally, he has a sister who's my age and was my schoolmate in st nicks!). so sad that most of the people i am close with have left the school. first it was my cso, then this 大哥, and now my om. i think it will be my turn very very soon.

this picture is a little irrelevant but i happened to see it and tot it's so cute that i had to post it with this entry! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Untidy beds may keep us healthy

2010-07-22T21:18:00.002+08:00

overheard this topic on radio just a few mornings ago. and found the article from bbc dated a whole five years ago. so this is like old news? anyway the apparently, "failing to make your bed in the morning may actually keep you healthy, scientists believe."

"Research suggests that while an unmade bed may look scruffy, it is also unappealing to house dust mites though to cause asthma and other allergies.

A Kingston University study discovered the bugs cannot survive in the warm, dry conditions found in an unmade bed.

The average bed could be home to up to 1.5 million house dust mites.

The bugs, which are less than a millitmetre long, feed on scales of human skin and produce allergens which are easily inhaled during sleep.

The warm, damp conditions created in an occupied bed are ideal for the creatures, but they are less likely to thrive when moisture is in shorter supply." - source

so now if you're feeling lazy about making your bed every morning, you can simply use this as an excuse! i used to dislike making my bed when i was younger. but as i grew older, i slowly got into the habit of making my bed. though somehow, i feel that an unmade bed is more inviting than a made one. simply because the made bed looks too neat for me to want to mess it up. whereas an unmade bed looks more inviting, as if it's all warmed up and ready for me to sleep in.

okay, maybe those are just my excuses for not having the time to make my bed on some mornings. but i believe not everything in your life has to be so orderly, otherwise where's the sense of adventure and excitement? live in the now and do things spontaneously! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Postcrossing

2010-07-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

started on this project called postcrossing sometime in may this year. "the goal of this project is to allow people to receive postcards from all over the world, for free. well, almost free! the main idea is that: if you send a postcard, you will receive at least one back from a random postcrosser from somewhere in the world."

why did i decide to join this? well, simply because i love to receive real mail. though of course it would preferably be someone i do actually know. but i guess as most of my friends don't really write, i guess this will suffice. "the element of surprise of receiving postcards from different places in the world (many of which you probably have never heard of) can turn your mailbox into a box of surprises - and who wouldn't like that?"

dutch tulipe from netherlands (holland) - my very first postcard received!

disney greetings from florida, usa - one of my favourites to date because it looks so cheery! plus i was having a bad day when i received this card, so it certainly brightened up my day!

i hope this will be a long-term project that i will continue doing - i do tend to start something and then leave it hanging there, i.e. 半途而废. like my learning of spanish online last year. but i did, at the same time, successfully completed two cross-stitches over the past year! so i guess that's pretty hopeful? well, hopefully i will "see" this through. perhaps i should start writing to some of my friends, just to say hi. maybe, maybe.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

The Pledge

2010-07-20T20:21:00.003+08:00

我们圣尼各拉女校的学生，

誓愿坚守德纯意坚的校训。

我们要发扬圣尼各拉精神，

爱天主，爱人如己。

我们要真诚，正直，热爱自由。

我们要发挥女性应有的美德，

温文尔雅，高贵大方，谦恭有礼。

在家孝顺父母，关怀亲人。

在校尊敬师长，友爱同学。

我们要自强不息，精益求精，

为建设繁荣，进步的优雅社会

共同努力！

ah how i miss this! especially the days when we used to say this every morning! what fond memories :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

The Trainee

2010-07-19T23:11:00.009+08:00

last week, a nie trainee, popped out of nowhere into my cubicle, to ask me something about lds. this was how it went:

her: hi (with no greeting, or intro of herself or whatsoever), how do i claim for my lds?
me: (did not feel like answering her without knowing who she is) erm, you are?
her: (she must have tot i didn't understand her question) where do i go to claim for my lds? do i claim from you? (ya right, i'm so rich you can claim your money from me)
me: (in my mind i was thinking, who the heck are you?) well you just need to go pac@gov to claim. same as how you claim for your medical and dental.
her: oh so i can just claim from there? do i need to buy the item first then claim?
me: erm... (i was caught completely off guard by that question) of course la. otherwise how you key in the receipt number, date and amount? (isn't this like common sense?)
her: oh okie. (and she walks off without even a word of thanks. maybe she tot i was being sarcastic cos i gave her a rather incredulous look when she asked her second question. but honestly, i couldn't help it. as i said, i was kinda 'shocked' that she even had to ask that)

after the conversation, i felt like she was somehow treating me like some sort of joke. like i was one of those customer service counter, just there to answer your questions, full-stop. i wouldn't have mind if she had at least first made sure i was the correct person she was talking to (like asking me if i was the am because someone obviously directed her to me), intro-ed herself (so at least i know who i was talking to and especially since i asked who she was), and then say thanks after giving her the info. i mean, that's like basic courtesy. i can't believe that she is going to be a future teacher, educator of our future generation. how is she going to be a role model without some basic courtesy and common sense? you can only claim for something after you buy it is 普通常识, no?

well, i let that pass given that she is just a trainee now. she has so much more to learn & improve on her EQ. hopefully, she gets better by the time she graduates. well, one can only hope for the best right?

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Despicable Me

2010-07-18T22:17:00.007+08:00

despicable me - being good is so overrated

caught despicable me this afternoon with wei & lj and it was great! plenty of laughs - the minions are so cute that i want my own little minions too! so are the 3 little girls - margo, edith & agnes! especially agnes who's so adorable - "it's so fluffy i'm gonna die!" and gru himself, though supposedly a villain, is quite the comedian too, saying "light bulb!" whenever he has an idea. the story shows how he changed from someone whose goal in life was to be the world's greatest super-villain to someone who just wants to be a dad and protect his children from harm. the 3 girls taught him many things - of which the most important of all was love and how family members help one another when another is in trouble. it was really quite sad when he was kinda 'forced' to send them away that i teared a little.

agnes - "does this count as annoying?" (and she proceeds to make some noise with her hands on her face and mouth as seen in the picture)

however though, the show's underlying meaning reminds me of UP - where the old man who slowly opened up his heart again and became a better (i.e. friendlier) man after being forced to befriend and spend time with a little boy.

disney pixar's UP that was released last year

it shows the power of kids - how they can change someone, from a cold, unfeeling, despicable person, to someone who's warm, caring and loving. how amazing. i believe that is true, for the love of a child is the most real and the most pure - nothing else in the world matters but you. ^^

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Floods, Floods & More Floods

2010-07-17T22:48:00.011+08:00

16 June 2010 flood - orchard river! flooded junction between wheelock, ion and marriot hotel (see source)

as the flash floods hit singapore in the wee hours of saturday morning, i slept on peacefully, totally unaware and un-awoken by the heavy downpour. i should say i am feeling lucky that i currently live on the ninth floor of a hdb building, so it is unlikely (i would like to say impossible, but nothing is entirely impossible nowadays) that my flat will be flooded right?

but after watching all the flood videos, especially the ones of residential areas getting flooded, i feel like waterproofing all my belongings lest i get caught in such a situation. i feel so sorry for them, caught totally unexpected and having all your personal belongings ruined. things that can be bought again is fine, but what if important documents and precious memories like old photos, letters, handmade gifts etc gets ruined? these are probably things that cannot be replaced.

i am tempted to complain and ask what's wrong with the gahmen, but i've decided to hold my peace, for, as i do in everything, i remember the good that they have done. i just hope that they do something fast soon, to appease the people, and to solve the problem before it becomes way too serious and results in more than just monetary loss.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Song for Singapore

2010-07-16T22:00:00.003+08:00

NDP 2010 Theme Song
Written and performed by Corrinne May

i love this year's ndp theme song! it took me awhile to warm up to it, but i am kinda connected to it on some levels, that i can't help but sing along and fall in love with it.

and this is why i feel connected to the song:
- corrinne may was from nus css, and i'm from there too!
- my mum personally knows corrinne may's father!
- the main leads are a student and a teacher from cedar girls, my mum's alma mater
- most imptly, students from the school i'm working in now are involved in the mtv (they're the ones at flag-raising ceremony, and various scenes in their multi-colour pe t-shirt, esp at the end where everyone is waving), and majorly involved in the ndp - 400+ of them from sec 1 to 3 (if i was well, i wld volunteer myself to chaperon them for the ndp rehearsals!)

i've been humming & singing the song to myself these few days. it's been awhile since i have actually liked the ndp theme song. so well done ndp team 2010! looking forward to watching the actual parade and fireworks from the comfort of the swissotel room! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

AM

2010-07-15T12:46:00.000+08:00

seen in many circulars sent out from hq: "Please consult the respective school’s Administration Manager (AM) for help if necessary."

hmm honestly they should pre-empt us (like educate us or something) before quoting us in their circulars. like i know what i need to or can do. but thankfully (for my school that is), i'm quite resourceful and will find out things for them. my conclusion on the AM job? we're problem solvers! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Colleague vs Friend

2010-07-14T23:45:00.000+08:00

i went to see my p today in his office to let him approve the invitation letter that we are going to send to the guest-of-honour for our school's 45th anniversary celebrations.

he looked at the letter, then looked at me and asked, "why are you the one doing this?"

i was stunned for awhile and simply replied, "cos i'm the one doing it la. but actually this hod drafted the letter, so i'm just following up." (it was her job to draft the letter but she just passed it to me cos the theme wasn't settled yet. so she asked me to help put in the theme and then get p to approve and sign and send it out.)

i should have said, "i've no idea either. not sure why this hod is not completing it and i'm the one suddenly handling it."

it got me thinking about how convenient it is for them (colleagues in general, my own staffs included) to simply leave their work with me, always making me think that it's my job to do it, when obviously my p thought otherwise. maybe being too friendly with some of your colleagues ain't such a good thing. you find it really hard to reject them when they ask for your help. to them, it's just more convenient for you to do it. sometimes i can't help feeling that they are being friendly with me simply for the motive that i will help them when it's to their advantage. sometimes, you can just tell. to them, you're just a colleague, a helping hand, but definitely not a friend.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Of Resolutions and Recoveries

2010-07-13T22:00:00.002+08:00

my only resolution for the year twenty-ten is to leave my job. but it seems like that isn't going to happen this year. i actually forgot that i kinda like my job, not to mention some of the people i'm working with. of cos recovering and travelling is on the list too, but those aren't as difficult to achieve as resigning. well, if only.

too many things to consider, too many favours to repay, too many things to leave behind. i guess that's why some people, though they complain endlessly about their jobs, never do leave them eventually. it's hard to uproot oneself, go to a new environment, make new friends/colleagues and start from ground zero all over again. especially when you've built up something in your existing place and made some close friends - how can you bear to just leave everything behind?

for me, the only thing that is holding me back (for now at least) is my yet-to-fully-recover leg. once i've got that settled, i'm honestly going to FLY! doing my masters (and overseas, that is) is high on my to-do list. so still surfing around, looking around. if i can do that next year, it'll probably be the best. but everything's too early to say for sure now. we live in such a volatile environment, where everything can just change in the snap of a finger.

sometimes, i still wonder what i would be doing now if that fateful accident did not happen. but there's no point wondering, because i can't possibly go back in time and change things. i can only look forward and decide for myself what i can since the accident has taken place. just to share one of the last few pictures i took before that fateful accident.

the fateful road

i'm considering having a celebration on that day every year to celebrate my rebirth and escape from death! :) though honestly speaking, it may sound a little morbid, but i don't think i would have regretted dying on that day. other than the fact it would have cost major heartache to my family, i just felt i wasn't particularly attached to anything on earth that i couldn't leave behind. plus i believed i had a fulfilling life till then - i had experienced many things in my short life - childhood, school & exams, love & heartbreak, working and living overseas, having a full-time job, working like there's no tomorrow. and surviving would only mean working for the rest of my life - which the one-year of worklife had given me enough to last a lifetime.

but since it was god's will that it was not my time to leave yet, i shall make use of my new life to experience things i have yet the chance to. studying overseas for one. it was my biggest dream when i was in jc. but somehow i couldn't do that because 1. i wasn't smart enough to get a scholarship, 2. my parents claimed they were too poor to afford to send me overseas. and now, suddenly my parents had enough money to do that! haha what more can i ask for but of course grab the opportunity before they change their minds.

ok i think i went totally out of point in this post. i just gotta remember, one step at a time, and i will get there! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Out of School!

2010-07-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

it's been awhile since i had the chance to get out of school for half a day for a briefing. and what better time to do that when your partner for the briefing is a friend you've been wanting to catch up with? i kinda volunteered to go for the briefing, partly because of who's going and partly because i wanna know what's going on. the former playing the larger part of the equation.

anyhow, i've no idea why, but i was so happy to be going to the post office! went to send the birthday present for my ex-om who's accompanying her hubby all the way in jordon. it was kinda exciting having the whole post office to yourself and the staff there being so helpful to you! ok cheap thrill i know. but still, i think i like the feeling of mailing stuff. so people overseas who i know, be prepared to receive stuffs. haha well i will try. so got that done, bought some postcards and stamps for my postcrossing project, posted 2 postcards and i felt totally accomplished. i'm so easily satisfied.

then headed for lunch with chris at 鼎泰奉 where we had the usuals (at least for me) - xiao long bao, fried rice with pork chop & spinach with garlic. decided to try the dessert of mango pudding on crushed ice and it was pretty good with real mango pieces found in the pudding! what a nice ending to a lovely and yummy lunch (thanks for the treat!). mango now always remind me of my time in hong kong and taiwan. so i just need to eat something with mango to transport myself back in time :)

dropped by sistic to collect shirl's and moo's boeing boeing tix and went on to teachers' network for the ict briefing. i was mainly there to find out more about the ict funding and to get first-hand info on how the ict in school is going to be changing. the changes they are going to make are a little exciting and definitely a big project. but it wouldn't really affect the users much. only those doing the procurements will most likely be affected. another big change is the email system of p, vp and am. no more lotus notes! we'll be using outlook express and this new system is called SOEasy (pronounced "so easy", and no, i'm not kidding). maybe the person who came up with the name had a sense of humour, i'm not sure, but i certainly found it kinda amusing.

the briefing was from 2.30pm to 6pm. i tot it will end early, as most briefings always do. but no, this one had to stretch all the way till 6pm >.< and i tot maybe i could have some time to do a little shopping in town. so it was time to go home and i can't believe i managed to stand on the bus for almost a whole hour (but the hr was spent just chatting and gossiping so it was great!), then take the train and later still have the energy to climb the overhead bridge back home (given that i was really tired and didn't have much sleep the night before due to world cup finals). this is a really good sign! i'm feeling all ready to conquer the world again! ^^

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Independence & Freedom

2010-07-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

i love a relaxing day like today - have breakfast, give tuition, have lunch, watch a movie, home to shower and then sleep (skipping dinner in the process), then waking up and have some soup and now, slacking in my room again.

totally no pressure, all at one's own pace. you know, like go with the flow, don't think too much about how your day will work out. just let things happen and go along with it. how nice if everyday could be like this. but i'm sure i'll get bored of such a life really soon. though speaking of which, i think that was how my life was the whole of last year! and i was sure i enjoyed it pretty well. thanks to family and friends who have not forgotten me and left me to rot in my room. hehe. i wouldn't have got through the past one year and seven months without any of you! :)

on another note, i seemed to be living the past two months with a vengeance - going out every weekend and always planning something to do ahead. it reminds me of how i was in 2008, and i wonder if i want to be how i was like that time - burning myself out. is it a good or bad thing? i'm not sure myself. but one thing's for sure - being able to go out on my own is definitely sweet! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Blogging

2010-07-09T09:30:00.001+08:00

reading my previous blog posts in 2008 makes me wanna blog again. and reading those posts made me realise that i really did had a busy (but rather fulfilling) 2008 - though rushing for work and going out so often that i was hardly at home. it also made me realised that though there are some people i hanged out with so often that year, i hardly hear from them (or see them) during my times of difficult (i.e. the accident). it makes you wanna re-evaluate your friends and your priorities. but i guess i don't ask for much, though i must definitely be more appreciative of those who really care. :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Hope

2010-05-30T13:57:00.001+08:00

i'm a little in the mood to blog, but yet feeling i have nothing to blog about. except that i really have this sudden urge to get well so i can start travelling again. it's been way, way, way too long. one and a half years may seem like nothing to most people, but to me, it's been the longest one and a half years in my life. i can't even believe it was that long since the fateful day.

okie, perhaps a little update on my progress (and to remind myself to keep working harder!):

wed, 26 may - walked home from school for the first time (not exactly, but at least since i was better) and took only 10 mins! *happy*

thurs, 27 may - walked to school in the morning for the first time too and took slightly longer, 15 mins. perhaps due to lack of food and greater inertia to get to work. also feeling ridiculously proud of myself that i managed to climb the overhead bridge (normally, that is, and not having to take one step at a time) and taking the mrt to orchard by myself! :)

fri, 28 may - took the bus for the first time since the accident! not by myself though. so will feel more accomplished when i do that.

sat, 29 may - walked ard vivocity without my walking stick! feeling so much more free that my hands were able to do what they like without having to use one hand to hold the stick, or looking for somewhere to place the stick while i use my hands for some other purpose. ah the liberation! :)

and so this past weekend marks quite a milestone in my recovery. suddenly i feel like i'm starting to see light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. a tunnel which i've been walking for 18 months now. but i'm really glad that i'm not walking through it alone. thank God for my family, friends and colleagues who have been encouraging me all this time! we must definitely have hope in life! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain

Chicago & Max Brenner

2010-04-18T20:42:00.000+08:00

(30 May 10 - started on this post one-and-a-half month ago but am only completing it now. heh.)

all that jazz! chicago the musical was quite fantastic with all the singing, dancing and witty dialogue! caught it with shiwei and sinyee. have i mentioned how much i love musicals? have loved them since i was in primary school as i watched the sound of music, annie and mary poppins repeatedly on my vcr.

once, when i was in primary two, my music teacher wanted each of us to sing a song in class. at that time, i was really in love with the sound of music, so i sang "do-re-me". it didn't turn out to be the best choice because not a single soul in my class knew what the heck i was singing, my teacher included. how embarrassing. =/

so from then on, i kept the love of musicals to myself as nobody seem to really share my interest. it's a little sad to be so enthusiastic about something but not really having anyone to share it with. but still, i'm glad to have my family and friends who would watch them with me occasionally. :)

as usual, i bought the programme. some would think i'm wasting money. true, but i love to collect them. i've bought a programme for every single theatre production i've attended. the cheapest being those which are free. it's really quite inexpensive to print the programme and given that such huge productions usually have so many sponsors, they really should lower their charges for their programmes.

after all the jazz, it was time for some chocolate (too much in fact) at max brenner. lyn came to join me and wei as sy went off to meet another friend. it was mine and wei's first time there. i've been wanting to try the chocs here for ages but have always been put off by the crowd and usually long queues. so this time, since it was still quite early (i.e. neither lunch or dinner time), we managed to get in pretty fast.

Choco-pops!
essentially milk chocolate with cute tiny crunchy chocolate wafer balls. they go really well tog! love it

Melting Marshmellow Hot Chocolate!
this is nice. but i personally much prefer the one with the chocolate pops. :)

NYC Downtown Comfort Cheesecake!
it was good that wei ordered this so that we had something not so chocolatey to negate the overwhelming choc we had from all the other dishes. but the raspberry sauce (or so we think) in the small glass cup does not go well at all with the cheesecake. in the end, lyn concluded it's for dipping the strawberries in. haha.

Intense Double Chocolate Fudge Cake!

this chocolate cake sounds really rich, but it was surprisingly intense but not overwhelming. really enjoyed it. :)

Munchies Waffles!

nice, fluffy waffles covered with warm chocolate sauce with chocolate and vanilla ice-cream and candied hazelnuts. it was quite nice except that why can't they just give us normal hazelnuts instead of candied ones? hmmm.

Our entire half-eaten conquest!

the crunchy chocolate wafer balls that were also found in the choco pops drink. we added these extras (which came with the waffles) into the marshmellow drink so that it has both choco pops and marshmellows! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Cheap Thrills

2010-04-18T17:34:00.000+08:00

two complimentary tickets and a poster for "the men who stare at goats" from 8 days

rocking horse necklace from pling

haven't really been taking part in contests for awhile. recently decided to try my luck again and won the above! i don't really win expensive stuff, but i do get excited from just having won something! yes, cheap thrill i know. but well, i guess that's better than nothing. :)

the first time i won a contest was when i was in primary school. at that time, i used to help my ah-gong fill in my details for the UIC contests when he bought the washing powder. and once, i won a year's supply of UIC's washing products! i wasn't exactly excited at winning that because obviously washing products did not matter much to a 10-year-old kid. but it was pretty cool when we went to collect the prize. a year's supply = a full trunk. we didn't have so much space at home to keep all of them, so we distributed some to family members and some neighbours. everyone was happy, and so was i. :)

then in secondary school, i took part in contests in lime magazine and 987 fm. and i won several cds, posters and got to meet the moffatts at the 987 fm studio! it was probably the first and last time i had a chance to go 'backstage' at mediacorp and meet celebrities so close and upfront! my only regret was i could have dressed better. i guess my dress sense then wasn't really something that i would be proud of.

in uni, i won a pair of tickets to one of adrain pang's theatre productions (totally forgot which show, but i think it was "a twist of fate") from class 95 fm. it was the first time i was on air on the radio! and that was also the last time i won something until this year. since then i did take part in contests occasionally but did not have any luck.

after some time, i realised that i usually won when i didn't really wanna win it. well, most of the time anyway. :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Presents from Paris!

2010-04-16T21:39:00.001+08:00

1. a mickey mouse water tumbler from disneyland paris (still loving disney!),
2. a pocket mirror (would much rather prefer the one with the pink cover, hehe),
3. a fridge magnet (that i really thought was for me - kana cheated by my sis),
4. a leather cap (not exactly mine either, koped it from my sis for the time being), and last but not least,
5. a longchamp bag!

love the bag! given to me by my godma, sis and bro as my birthday present. as much as i like the bag, i must admit that i'm really not a big fan of branded bags. the brand doesn't really matter as long as i like the bag and it's pragmatic. honestly, i can't bring myself to spend more than a hundred bucks on one. if my memory serves me right, the most i paid for a bag did not exceed sixty bucks. i should also add that i haven't exactly had time to shop for a bag since i started working. so my practice of being thrifty with bags may just be thrown out of the window if i happened to chance upon the perfect bag.

what can i say? i'm a girl and i have a weakness for bags. :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Rest

2010-04-16T18:28:00.001+08:00

over the past one and a half year, i've come to learn to enjoy many sitcoms/dramas/shows which i didn't used to have time for. for example, the nanny, two and a half men, everyone loves raymond, how i met your mother (esp!), sex and the city, ellen degeneres (love it too! it gave me something to look forward to everyday), house, bones, scrubs etc, well just to name a few.

it's a wonder how almost everything is all about work when you start working. you hardly have time for anything else. when you're at work, you think about work. when you're not at work, you're still thinking about work. i guess that's not very healthy. and somehow, i felt i had to keep myself busy. my schedule was full. if i'm not at work, i would either be at church or out with friends or giving tuition. i was hardly home for dinner. and i definitely wasn't getting enough rest. and i still found time to travel to hong kong (twice), taiwan, india and australia.

but that was 2008.

by the end of that year, i was forced, whether i liked it or not, to rest. with nothing to do but lie in bed all day watching tv. this continued into 2009. and i guessed i got so used to slacking so much that i didn't really wanna go back to work. but back to the office i went in 2010, only to find that i was actually a little glad to be back.

so right now, am still trying to sort out my thoughts and what i really wanna do. i guess i really should pray more about this.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Sweet Caroline

2010-04-16T17:31:00.014+08:00

fell in love with this song whilst watching glee. love the music, tune and lyrics and i just love a guy who can sing and play the guitar/piano/any musical instrument. :)

Sweet Caroline
by Glee Cast
(original version by Neil Diamond)

Where it began,
I can't begin to knowing,
But then I know it's growing strong.

Wasn't the spring,
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along.

Hands, touching hands, reaching out,
Touching me, touching you.
Oh, sweet Caroline,
Good times never seem so good.
I've been inclined,
To believe it never would.

Oh, sweet Caroline,
Good times never seem so good.
Oh I've been inclined,
To believe it never would.
Oooh, oh no no...

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Looking Back

2010-03-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

being at home has provided me with plenty of time to think. about the past, present and future. and recently, my mind has been full of the past. it's as if i've been whirled back in time, replaying certain events that have occurred in my short mundane childhood.

being diagnosed with osteogenesis imperfecta at the tender age of six, it had freaked me out tremendously. i read up extensively on what OI was, and what could happen. most imptly, i read on how easily i could obtain fractures and how some fractures could make you a cripple or lead to permanent paralysis. at that time, i was really afraid of the future. what if i became a cripple? or if i was paralyzed? i would not be able to walk, let alone run (as a kid, being able to run was really impt). it was really a scary thought.

the pain i had to endure during that time was so unbearable that i always cried buckets of tears (was there no painkillers in the past? why didn't they give it to me?). i was completely scared and questioned endlessly on why i had to go through this pain. each fracture i get, i had to go through the whole cycle of transporting me from the place of occurrence to the hospital, the acrobatic x-rays, setting your bones as they put on the cast (i'm pretty sure my cries and screams were piercing through the whole hospital), being confined at home for 2 months, removal of cast and finally learning to walk again. and let's just say the pain throughout the whole episode was simply, out of this world. i would never wish this on anyone, but it would be difficult for one to understand without going through it themselves.

the questions of "why me?" probably lasted for 1 or 2 years before i resigned to my fate and accepted my predicament. i could not lead a normal childhood like most other kids. there was always the worry (by my parents and grandparents) that i would run and fall and sustain a fracture, or accidentally get pushed by other kids and fall and again, a fracture. thus, i ended up not having to take a single PE lesson all the way from primary school to jc (except in primary 5 when i insisted on taking PE with the reason that i did not sustain a single fracture in primary 4, but i ended up still having to stop PE when i suffered another fracture in primary 6), and never having the chance to go for recess for the whole of my primary school life (i spent 6 years of recess time alone in the classroom - it was really lonely and totally boring). i wasn't even allowed to buy myself lunch when i had to stay back for eca. either my bro would buy for me or my ah gong would deliver lunch from home in the tengkat. life then, was really restricted. i envied all the other kids who could simply run around and play all the games which i could then only sit and watch.

when i got to my teenage years, i had quite enough of not being able to do anything. i still didn't do PE, but i made my mum agree to let me attend the leadership camp which was full of rope courses (and of cos, every chance of falling and breaking my bones). at that time, i had no fear. but knowing my own condition, i took every precaution. i was careful. and perhaps, i had started to become immune to the pain and the frequent hospital visits. i just knew that if i didn't start doing the things i love, i would live to regret it.

but even with all the restrictions i had to grow up with, i never considered myself having a sad childhood. i knew i had a really loving and caring family. i also had understanding friends who knew the limit of things i could do. and the experience i had definitely made me grow up much faster than other kids. i was very independent and tried not to rely on others as much as i can. i knew money was important - how otherwise could we pay off all the hospital bills incurred. i've become a very adaptable person - i can easily change my mindset based on the situation i'm facing. i appreciate all the simple things in life and am easily content, i don't ask for more. all these have mold me into who i am today. i've become someone who accepts whatever happens to her as part of God's big plan for me, never questioning why it happened and never complaining abt the inconveniences, but just accept and move on with life. sometimes there are just simply no answers. it is the way it is.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Just A Little Fear

2009-12-30T00:00:00.001+08:00

i have a little fear at the back of my mind. as much as i try to suppress it, not think abt it, it sometimes pops out suddenly, catching you unaware, and brings your mood down drastically from a high to a low.

i guess it is inevitable that i have such thoughts. but at least they don't consume my life. i have accepted my condition and how different life is going to be for me, but sometimes, once in awhile, i give in and collapse for awhile. i feel that crying lets out any pent-up frustration i may have. i'm not an expressive person, so i don't vent my frustrations on anyone. i guess, this is the only way for me to keep sane.

and this happens when i see photos of friends doing things that i may never be able to do again in the future. the operative word being "may". of course, many people tell me that it's mind over matter. i try of course. but who knows how things are going to turn out exactly? i'm not a pessimist, but neither do i wanna get my hopes up too high. i'm just simply prepared for the worst. it is best to be mentally prepared than to be once again caught off-guard, unaware, and then feel like the end of the world has arrived.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

St Nicks Christmas Party

2009-12-19T20:00:00.020+08:00

our annual st nicks christmas gathering was held at my place this year (well, technically it's not my place but my grandma's place, but still). usually it'll be at ks place, but we decided to go try someplace different. and i bought santa hats for everyone this year too~! it certainly adds to the christmas mood. oh yes, and the theme we've decided for ourselves is red and black. =)

well we were supposed to start at 12pm, but hmm, everyone was late and we only started at close to 2pm. waited for the last person to arrive before we started on our food. we had a spread of sushi, honey-baked ham, wine, cheese, ice-cream and biscuits. pretty satisfying i think. hehe. we then had our present exchange and played one round of wii before it was time to go home.

kinda short party but it was good to have everyone around this year for the party (seeing that i missed it last year). we're planning for one on cruise next year. hopefully it works out. hehe. i shall let the pictures do the talking now.

putting on the santa hat

wei and moi

lynette and moi

ks and moi

our christmas sushi platter from sakae

our spread of food!

and then it was time to open presents! my secret santa is wei! i was hoping it was her, cos i asked for a bag that was similar to hers that she bought from bkk three yrs ago. and knowing that she's going bkk again, i mentioned it, hoping that she can buy it for me. hehe. and instead of getting just one present for moi, she bought me three! a handphone pouch and a book by cecelia ahern as well, all of which i wanted (and was of cos on my christmas wishlist). =)

happy with my presents!

and i was ade's secret santa. bought her a pair of goggles (in pink no less) that she wanted, and gave her a pig piggy bank too so that she can finally start saving for her wedding dinner *hint hint*

jul opening her present from ks

wei opening her present from ade

wei happy with her presents too

any hello kitty thing i see reminds me of wei and donut, so i decided to get her something hello kitty. hehe.

both happy with their presents too though lyn didn't exactly get what she wanted.

the very red christmas! i love our santa hats! and of cos, i love you gals too!

Blessed Christmas Everyone! :)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

HTC Hero

2009-12-10T01:11:00.001+08:00

i bought the htc hero 3 days ago on monday and i have no idea what possessed me to buy such a complicated phone, and not a cheap one either. =.=

too late, money spent. so i might as well just make myself feel better by exploring all its functions and get cheap thrills by what it can do (even though i don't really need them). anyhow, what i really like about it is how easily i can access gmail, facebook, twitter and youtube. but oh yes, i have to first get a data plan. currently accessing the internet on the phone using my home internet, so that's pretty sweet. at least i don't have to switch on my pc all the time. =P

so next on the list, read the phone manual (it's gonna be the first time i'm actually reading a phone manual), get a data plan, figure out how to access msn and blogger and finally, start getting used to it and quit missing my sony ericsson.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

New Moon

2009-12-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

caught the show new moon on sunday with wei and i must say the show wasn't all too bad, despite all the negative reviews and what other friends might say. in fact, both wei and i tot it was better than the first show, twilight. perhaps it was due to all the 1-star reviews that prepared us with a very low expectation of the show and so, we managed to enjoy it much better since it turned out better than expected. lol.

no point talking about the movie since reviews elsewhere are easily available. other than the fact that given that new moon is my least favourite book out of the 4 books of twilight series,the movie definitely wasn't as painful as reading the book. plus there's nice eye candy to compensate for the lack of acting and the absence of edward for close to half the show (or book). at least jacob looked so much better than he did in the first movie. hee.

on another note, i've been eating at places i haven't been to for more than a year. like lunch with wei at subway before the show and dinner with pat and shirl at cafe cartel on saturday night. it's nice to be able to go out with friends again. i just need to gain back the confidence and strength i need to survive outside on my own. =)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Dr. Bok

2009-12-02T23:45:00.002+08:00

i went to see my rehab doctor, Dr. Bok today. and seeing him is such an encouraging thing. he was genuinely very happy to see that i was walking so well (in his opinion) and he seemed really glad that i was making such progress. even though everyone else (or maybe just my family) always seem to tell me that i need to work harder.

believe it or not, Dr. Bok's way of encouragement definitely works better for me. you'll naturally want to work harder when you are happy and receiving positive feedback. how is it possible that anyone, other than myself, be more eager for me to be able to walk properly? am i not the one suffering? pouring cold water on me isn't going to help matters. and i definitely don't take well to nagging. maybe i'm a little rebellious/stubborn, but the more you nag, the more i'm reluctant to do it. =X

anyhow, it was a good trip to sgh. seeing this doctor is like meeting an old friend, and updating him on how i was doing, seeking his advice on small little matters and just having him tell me i was REALLY making quite good progress given the severity of my injuries. he said i shouldn't just be concentrating on walking and preparing to go back to work, that i should do stuff that i used to enjoy before my accident, like shopping! lol. activities that involve me walking around and not just sitting down most of the time. to slowly integrate back to society and start having a social life. well, of course i would like that but not everyone has the time to accommodate me. so i guess 慢慢来吧, i will heal at my own time. i sure do not want to rush into things. =)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Metal Rods and Wire

2009-12-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

the metal rods and wire were taken out of my brother's elbow and arm last wednesday. the metal rods are disgustingly long. they're as long as a normal mechanical pencil! eeks. i cringe at the sight of them. imagine they were once inside someone's body. anyway, because my brother was having a cough on the day of his surgery, they decide to give him a local anaesthesia instead of a general one. so he was awake throughout the entire op. omg, i think i would have fainted if i'm not put to sleep. haha. anyhow, i'm glad this part of the journey is finally over for him. what's left is just removing the stitches. as for me, sadly, i still have quite some way to go. still waiting to get to the finish line. =)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Christmas Mood

2009-12-01T18:53:00.000+08:00

i love my new blogskin! so christmasy! as you can see, i'm currently in the blogging mood, and also kinda bored, with too much energy and nowhere to spend, so here i am. =)

since i'm in the christmas mood right now, i've decided to post one of my favourite christmas songs by alvin and the chipmunks.

The Christmas Song
by Alvin and the Chipmunks

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Life is Unpredictable

2009-11-30T22:30:00.001+08:00

i always thought that, because i have this brittle bone problem, things like an accident will never happen to me. like isn't this osteogensis thing enough suffering for a lifetime?

but of cos, you can never predict what life or God has in store for you. and so exactly one year ago on this day, i met with my first (and hopefully last) car accident all the way in the land down under. it seem kinda apt to talk about it now. like a one year anniversary memorable recollection. lol. of cos, i can do with lesser of such anniversaries. so may this be the last.

30 Nov 08, Sunday
i think it's unlikely i'm ever gonna forget this date. it was only our 2nd day in melbourne. we were driving along great ocean road, when my brother drove onto the other lane, and collided head-on with another vehicle.

i've not much memory of what happened. in fact, none at all. as i was blissfully sound asleep in the front passenger seat. but i did wake up for a moment when i was still stuck in the car. and all i can remember is seeing part of my bones protruding out of my ankle (until now i'm still not sure if i really did see or was it all part of my imagination) and some ang moh telling me i'll be ok as i was wincing in pain.

the next thing i knew, i was already lying in the hospital in ICU with all my operations done and my family had already arrived in melbourne. apparently, i was first sent to geelong hospital which was the nearest to the site of the accident, but it was too "small" to handle my injuries and so i was air-lifted (my first helicopter ride and i had absolutely no idea. haha) to royal melbourne hospital instead. i then went through a 8-9 hour surgery where they removed my spleen and inserted metal rods, wires and screws into my left thigh and knee.

in the meantime, my brother, who was in the geelong hospital with wei, had contacted our family and my mum, dad and sis put aside whatever they were doing and made plans to fly over to melbourne. honestly, i really thank God for my family. i guess waking up to my sis was the reason i did not go into full panic mode and freak out from the whole thing.

when i first woke up and recalled that i was in an accident, the first thought that came to my mind was, "why the heck was i sleeping? if i didn't sleep, i could have prevented it from happening!" but well i guess if it was meant to happen, it will happen. sigh i think i tortured myself with that thought for a few days before i finally accepted the whole thing.

anyhow, i'm also really glad that my bro and wei weren't too seriously injured. it's bad enough that we had to deal with one seriously-injured person, not to mention 2 or 3. btw, when they say that your whole life flashes before you when you're dying is simply overrated. lol. nothing of that sort happened to me. =X or maybe i blacked out too early to have my flashes. hehe. =P

1-3 Dec 08
i drifted in and out of sleep as i was heavily sedated with morphine to prevent me from feeling the pain. i cldn't talk as well as i had a tube going down my throat. seriously that was the most uncomfortable thing in the world, esp not being able to talk at all. but i was glad that my right hand was okie so i cld still write on paper anything that i wanted to say. according to my sis, i was surrounded by tubes and machines and my two legs were supported by some metal structure. it's kinda difficult for me to imagine the whole scene as i was kinda "immune" to all the pain and i could not see myself or feel anything at all. i later asked my sis why didn't she take a picture so i can see for myself what exactly i went through. hehe. okie, i was just being bo liao.

4-5 Dec 08
finally, they removed the tube that was running down my throat! at the point of removal, i had a matrix moment. remember the time when neo was "awaken" and found himself in a cell-like tub? then he had to remove this tube that was running down his throat that served as his breathing tube when he was submerged in liquid. that was something like how i felt. and it was great to finally be able to breathe and talk properly! oh what joy. later that evening, i was transferred out of ICU and into a normal ward. the next thing i was yearning for was a drink of water and some food. but they're not allowing that yet, so all i had was the drip.

6 Dec 08
i was due for a 4-hr surgery on both my ankles which were badly crushed. so they didn't fix them at the same time. the surgery was scheduled in the morning. i was out by 2pm but they kept me in the resting area to make sure my condition was stablised until almost 5 or 6pm before they sent me back to my ward. apparently I was running a fever so I couldn’t go back until it had subsided. kinda pitied my sis who spent the whole day just waiting for me at the ward that day. my parents were in geelong hospital visiting my brother. so that’s what they did, swapping visits until my brother was discharged a few days later.

just when i thought everything was finally over (with the ops and all), later that night, i suddenly felt a really really cold chill. it was the kind of chill that you know was coming from the inside of you, and no amount of blankets is going to help. nonetheless, i asked for more blankets and told the nurse that i was really freezing. as the nurse was heaping blankets on me, i blacked out again.

8 Dec 08
when i woke up again, more than a full day had passed. and i was back in ICU due to a lung infection from one of the tubes inserted inside me. that was really scary. i don’t think i can ever forget the chill i felt. and the tube was back down my throat. =( i think this day was the longest day in my life. because i was fully awake and couldn’t do a single thing at all. i kept asking when they could remove the stupid tube cos i was feeling really uncomfortable. i tried to sleep (i believe i repaid my entire life’s sleep debt in those few days i spent in the hospital and subsequently the next 1-2 mths) but i couldn’t with the tube down my throat.

finally, goodness knows how long later, they gave the okay sign to remove the tube. and i was so relieved! i think i fell asleep very soon after. later that night, when i woke up during dinner time, the nurse asked if i would like to try some food, and of course i said yes! i had nothing for a week already, and this would be my first form of food of any kind. so she let me try a spoonful of mashed potatoes, and i believe, at that point of time, it was the best mashed potatoes i ever had. she gave me another spoonful and that was all i was allowed. boohoo. but since i hadn’t eaten for so long, it wasn’t good to eat too much at one go either.

however, good times don’t last. the nurse then decided that i was ok enough to remove the staples from the surgery on my stomach when they removed my spleen. i was kinda scared as i’ve got no idea how painful that would be. it turned out rather ok actually. she then proceeded to remove the stitches on my left knee. and i concluded that removing staples was not as bad as removing stitches. lol. it was a lot more worse removing the stitches especially when the skin had started to “reform” around the stitches. it’s like picking splints out of your finger or toe. ouch.

****************************************

just realized it’s not possible to share everything in one day. haha. so i shall continue another day (if i ever). =P

Beauty & the Beast

2009-11-29T23:58:00.004+08:00

caught beauty & the beast by wild rice on saturday with my family - godma, godpa, mum and sis. and wild rice's productions never fail to disappoint. i had such an enjoyable time that i didn't want it to end. i love how they incorporate current "affairs" into their plays everytime. and this time, it was all about the boomz, leopard preens and shingz. lol. was supposed to catch their snow white & the seven dwarfs last year in december but was unfortunately stuck in aussieland. so i'm really glad to be able to catch their production this time. i'm already looking forward to their next production, whenever it is. =)

for those who have yet to watch or wasn't planning to, i highly encourage you to give it a try. they're showing all the way till 19 dec. i got my cat 1 tix at only 50 bucks. so i would say it's really quite affordable. watch this and you'll understand how easy it is to fall in love with their productions. hehe. anyway we should always support our local art scenes. they're not as bad as you think. ;)

Victor/Victoria

2009-11-29T22:32:00.006+08:00

caught the show with ade on friday night. and it was nothing like what i was expecting. it was about a girl pretending to be a guy pretending to be a girl. anyhow, it was an enjoyable show, with most of the guys in the show turning out to be gays. it seems that it can be funny only if they were playing gay characters. lol. but we certainly enjoyed ourselves laughing away. thanks ade for watching it with me! =)

before the show, i had dinner with the girls - ade, wei, lyn and jul. too bad ks cldnt make it. had a good time just catching up a little and well, just hanging out. things felt a little different though. but perhaps, i was just pms-ing and probably a little tired.

wei, me, ade, lyn and jul

didn't exactly want to post any photos at first cos i realised we all kinda looked a little unglam in all the shots. but i decided to settle with the one above. hee. just to remember the moment. =)

christmas lights along orchard road.

took the above shot from the cab on the way home after the play. wanted to capture the white "moving" lights, but obviously a still photo isn't going to do much justice to it. anyhow, i'm really looking forward to christmas this year, given that i spent last year's christmas at the hospital. i wasn't even excited about the presents i got then. haha. so bad of me. but i really wasn't in the mood last year. presents don't mean much when all you want is to be well and back in singapore with your family and friends. anyway, that was all in the past. so am just hoping to have a great december this year! =)

A Christmas Carol 3D

2009-11-27T13:02:00.005+08:00

caught a christmas carol in 3d at amk hub last night with wei, donut and boon. and i must say it wasn't what i expected at all. when a story as such has been remade a thousand times, the only thing you can improve on/make a difference in are the effects. and of course, i can't deny that the effects were good, especially watching it in 3d makes every single scene so much closer to you, as if you were almost part of the show itself. however, with the need to "show-off" the effects, there were some irrelevant scenes like the horsemen chasing scrooge down the streets.

there were also scenes that i really liked which were left out. like scrooge visiting his employee's family, bringing the prized turkey along with him and little tim's eyes brightening up when he sees it. this gave the movie a lack of genuine warmth and empathy. but i guess that's the problem when i've watched too many a version of the same show. the very first of which i remember was the donald duck version, where he becomes uncle scrooge, known as scrooge mcduck.

however, i still like the 3d experience of the show, where it really does feel like it's snowing in the theatre as well. and of cos, with jim carrey, there's enough inject of comedy that makes the entire experience more enjoyable. even though some attempts at it kinda failed.

and now, i wonder how the movie would have turned out for me if i had watched it in non-3d instead. perhaps it won't be as engaging, given that i know the whole story inside-out. so, for those who knows the story like the back of your hand, i suggest you catch the 3d version instead. even though it's more ex, priced at 13 bucks per ticket, it'll definitely be worth your while. =)

warning: even though it is promoted as a family movie, it may be unsuitable for young kids. even i found some scenes to be a little scary. anyhow, given that i'm a disney fan and my low expectation of films, my review of the show may be a little biased and unreliable for those with very high expectations. =P

No bonus for civil servants

2009-11-27T12:34:00.003+08:00

so news just came out that there will be no bonus for civil servants this year-end. and that is of cos no surprise given that we didn't have any mid-year bonus. but anyhow, at least we still get our 13th month bonus. even though i don't live by my salary or bonuses, any extra money is definitely welcomed. hehe. and i guess the 750 we're getting shall be used to celebrate christmas. i missed out on christmas last year, so perhaps i should double celebrate this year. heh. =D

Only 17 Friends

2009-11-26T17:28:00.004+08:00

this message has been appearing on my fb page a few times. and when i saw it again today, it just occurred to me that it sounds like a crime to have only 17 friends. lol. what if this person has only 17 friends whom she really considers as friends? do you call someone your friend just because he/she is your friend on facebook? i hardly think so.

the term 'friend' is so loosely defined these days. it seems that as long as i've met you once, i can add you on fb as my friend. well, maybe. since i've already started referring people i'm not so close to as my facebook friend. ah, the difference from just saying this person is your friend. haha.

suddenly, it felt weird to see your name again. it even felt like you were a stranger. that we were never close. but i guess that is all for the best.

life

2009-11-14T23:10:00.002+08:00

after seeing my doc for a review last wk, after what he said, i realised that my life will really never be the same again. the fact that there will be many things that i will never be able to do in future. and having to make some changes and adjustments to my life.

but there is nothing i can do abt it. but force myself to smile. and face life bravely.

only, there is a limit to how much i can smile for others.

most nights, when i am alone with my thoughts, i simply just breakdown and let a few tears drop.

sigh. i just wish pple will treat me normally. there's a fine line between being nice/considerate and too nice/irritatingly nice. i'm not complaining for all the niceness. but sometimes, it just makes me feel kinda stressed out and embarrassed for all the attention.

maybe i'm letting my thoughts run wild. but i've no one to cry out to. i don't think anyone is going to understand how i'm feeling anyway. it's something i gotta overcome myself.

honestly, feeling like a handicap and actually being one, is not nice at all. but that's probably how it's gonna be for the rest of my life.

sand art

2009-10-22T17:14:00.001+08:00

and sand art continues to amaze me.

scars

2009-10-21T08:57:00.003+08:00

the other day, in the midst of shopping for a new pair of shoes. as i was looking in the mirror, for the first time, i realised exactly how ugly the surgical scars were on my legs. my left leg looks as if it was chopped up into 3 pieces and then roughly sewed together again, like that of a ragged doll. it doesn't look like it belonged to me anymore. and it doesn't even feel like mine.

suddenly, i seem to be waking up from a dream i've been having for the past 11 months. it suddenly dawned on me that life can never be the same again, and i can never go back to how it used to be.

a new stapler

2009-10-20T10:19:00.001+08:00

omg, my stapler is so lousy that i dreamt i went to buy a new one last night.
and i was overjoyed in getting a new trouble-free one.

ahh, the simple pleasures of life. =)

a long run

2009-10-19T21:50:00.002+08:00

it's been a long run.
and i hope this journey of my life is ending soon.
suddenly i think i'm ready to go back to how my life used to be.
counting down to one year.

formatting

2009-08-31T11:37:00.004+08:00

i do realise that the pictures in the previous post are not showing properly, but i'm kinda lazy now to solve that problem. so i shall leave it as it is for the time being. will work it out when i'm more free. do bear with me! =P

life overseas

2009-08-31T10:48:00.005+08:00

i'm missing NYC, Chicago, LA, Las Vegas, San Diego, San Francisco and even Sandusky, Ohio. but times like those cannot be at our whim and will. well, if only.

if only life could be as carefree as it was back then. no worries about your future yet. not having to think that you actually need a job to survive. as we grow older, the heavier your responsibility to support yourself (and your parents) becomes.

actually, i wldn't mind this responsibility after i had seen the world. sure, many pple wld say i'm lucky enough to have been to the states and having worked there for 3 months and travelled for another 1 month. but somehow, that doesn't seem enough. plus those 4 months wasn't without unhappiness. i'm still amazed at myself at how i could have buried my actual feelings and continued to enjoy myself and have fun. i guess i could be in huge denial if i wanted to. haha. i wonder if that is a gd or bad thing?

my next aim is to go europe! i wanna try living and working there! well, again, if only i could. we shall see if such an opportunity comes along. :)

Paris!

Rome!

Ireland!

Venice!

Spain!

London!

okay, just some of the places i want to visit! the future is awaiting! :)

1, 2, 3, 4

2009-08-25T17:59:00.005+08:00

my current favourite song!

1, 2, 3, 4

By Plain White T's

1,2 - 1 2 3 4

give me more lovin' then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin' sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin' mad,
i'm so glad i found you.
i love bein' around you.

you make it easy, as easy as 1 2, (1 2 3 4)
there's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you,
i love you. (i love you)
there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words,
that's what i'll do.
i love you. (i love you)

give me more lovin' from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
i'm so glad that i found you.
i love bein' around you.

you make it easy, as easy as 1 2, (1 2 3 4)
there's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you,
i love you. (i love you)
there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words,
that's what i'll do.
i love you. (i love you)

i love you. (i love you)

you make it easy, as easy as 1 2, (1 2 3 4)
there's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you

i love you. (i love you)
there's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words
that's what i'll do.

i love you. (i love you)

1 2 3 4 i love you. (i love you)
i love you. (i love you)

my brother

2009-08-24T18:26:00.004+08:00

this morning i was having breakfast with my brother. it was slightly past 9am. out of nowhere, he suddenly quipped, "i'm late for work." in a totally nonchalant way. i looked at him, looked at the time and commented, "but isn't this your usual time? you've been going to work at around this time EVERYDAY."

to which he replied in a calmly manner, "ya, that's why i'm late for work everyday".

=.="

i was like, what kind of job allows you to be late everyday?? anyway, after the short exchange above, my brother continued to slowly finish up his coffee, walk in and out of his room, dunno doing what, and finally left the house. no sense of urgency at all. wow. if it was me and i was late for work, i'll be rushing around the house like a mad rabbit. how can he still afford to take his time and behave so nonchalantly?

hmm this is probably something i can learn. haha.

a dream

2009-08-24T18:12:00.003+08:00

i had many dreams ever since my accident. mostly involved me being able to walk and run again. i'm still waiting for that to come true. soon soon. i must be patient.

last night i had another dream. i dreamt that i flew to europe. on impulse. to escape from work. and i didn't go by myself. i went with a supposedly someone special. which i have no idea who he is when i woke up. anyway, the thing is, the moment i reached europe, i felt so guilty for not informing anyone at office and just disappearing like that, and all i wanted to do was to go back. so i won't get a black mark or what. i'm such a coward. either that, or i feel too responsible. i prefer to believe in the latter. :P

haix. my sch refuse to leave me alone even during the weekends. i've to return to sch to help them out. by right, i shld be very willing. seeing all the provisions they've made so that i can work from home, i shld be grateful. i'm obliged to help them. but right now, it's precisely the sense of obligation that i do not like. i don't want the feeling that i owe them something. perhaps i shld have gone on no-pay leave instead of agreeing to working from home. at least i won't be so haunted now. even in my sleep.

sigh. tots of leaving are still lingering in my mind. yesterday, i've just heard that another colleague may be tendering. makes me wanna leave even more. well, let's wait and see.

Sunstopper

2009-07-21T16:32:00.002+08:00

Sunstopper

Posted using ShareThis

My Girls

2009-07-13T09:33:00.004+08:00

weekends are always over in a flash, while the weekdays crawl by ever so slowly.

i guess most people, if not all, feel the same way. weekends are never enough. i wish we could have like a 3-day weekend and 4-day work week. maybe i should migrate to another country which has such a system. hehe. but then again, doesn't everyone want that? without receiving a cut in our current salary that is.

anyhow, i had a great time this weekend. despite being at home the whole time with the exception for sunday morning when i went to church. sometimes, it doesn't matter where or what you're doing, it's who you're with that makes your day. i realised that chatting and getting to know others better, receiving their help and accommodation, by just being part of a group, a community, giving you support when you need it, can make one happy too.

and my st. nicks friends are there for me throughout it all. they've been part of my life since i gotta know them. even in jc, my friends were mainly them. i did not venture out too much to know new friends. when i stayed in hall, my friends in hall were also them. now that we've graduated and are all working, they're the ones i meet up with the most, and we keep ourselves updated with one another through daily emails. and during this time when i'm currently homebound, they're still the ones who visit me almost every week and making time for me. even now that i'm playng maple, my maple friends are mainly them too. i guess, with the exception of church and work, they're otherwise very much involved in all aspects of my life. and i know for sure, that they'll be the ones i will grow old with together.

cheers to our 10 (and some, 11 and 12) years and counting of friendship! i love you girls! :)

SP Reset

2009-07-10T11:14:00.003+08:00

last night on maple, i was talking to this level 156 bishop. and she told me i shouldn't have added so many skill points (SP) to the doom skill (which can turn a max of 6 enemies to blue snails using a magic rock) as it's a useless skill. and i should have added to door and max it instead. giving it a longer time duration. BUT she only told me this after i've added like 27 SP into doom. now my door is at level 9, giving it a duration of 110 secs (the max is 3 mins).

so now i feel like it's so wasted. and of cos, naturally a little bit sad. i wouldn't mind a longer door. actually i prefer a longer door. but online guides said to add to doom. and so i blindly followed. :( well what's done is done. i could reset the SP but at a cost of 15 bucks per 1 SP reset. that is SO ex la. shall not waste my money. i have to keep telling myself, this is ONLY a game. and can someone please tell me that i didn't waste my SPs? >.<

sorry to those who don't play maple. you will not understand at all what i'm talking about. so please do just ignore. ^^

Giving and Receiving

2009-07-09T14:48:00.006+08:00

thought of the day: give, freely give, but do not expect anything in return.

i was pondering on this as some recent events have reminded me of this simple message. it is so simple, but yet not easy to live up to. how many of us are willing to give, and yet expect nothing in return at all? not even a thank you or courtesy smile sometimes.

if you really love someone, and care for that person, this should come by easy. but it's human nature to want the person you've been giving to, to do the same for you.

for example, i have a friend A who had boyfriend B. A wanted to take up this dream job of hers but it requires her to travel. but B stopped her. B's reason was that he gave up this scholarship/internship that he had always dreamed of for her because it required him to be based in another country for a long period of time, so he expects A to do the same. B gave up this opportunity on his own accord, and without telling or consulting A too. now B expects A to act in the same way as him. A said if B had told her, she wouldn't want him to give up this opportunity.

of course, the above example is kinda extreme. we can just simply look at everyday life. say if you lent a friend $10, you would naturally expect your friend to loan you $10 if you need it. but how many of us can really not expect it?

if you willing gave or did something for someone you loved, i feel that you should never use it to threaten or blackmail the person to do the same for you. even if it's a stranger, expect nothing in return. because, most often than not, you may end up disappointed. and mainly because, whatever you give, God will give back to you many times over. love, shouldn't come with a price tag, or any expectations. and really, life's happier like that. if you're always expecting something, but end up not getting it, wouldn't you be sad most of the time?

now of course, there is the reverse, where we are at the receiving end. how readily should we accept help? should you accept help knowing that you can never do the same back for the person? i read somewhere that if someone willingly offers you help or wants to give you something, you should be generous and gracious enough to accept it.

of course, when we talk about expecting nothing in return when you give, it seems that if you receive, you're not expected to return the favour or kindness shown on you. well, i guess that's really up to the individual. for me, if i cannot return the exact same favour, i'll always remember the kindness shown and repay in other means that i can.

(honestly speaking, sometimes i do not like to receive help in any form because i do not want to feel indebted to someone. some people give and expect you to give back. and you feel like you owe them. i really don't like this kind of feeling. so perhaps i am a little wary of accepting help too readily. =.=)

life is all about helping one another. do you see your friend fall and not help her up? do you see your friend burden with trouble and not offer a listening ear? many times, we pretend not to see, and just carry on with our daily life, claiming that we have no time and have our own problems to deal with. but what do you gain by turning a blind eye to those in need? though i confess that i'm sometimes like that too. not offering help even though you know the person needs help. i feel i have enough on my own plate to deal with. i don't need someone else's problems too. but still, i try my best to change. for i always believe, giving is better than receiving.

so, give, because God will give back to you many times over.

inspiration: are you a giver or taker? by Bo Sanchez

Farewell to the King of Pop

2009-07-08T18:00:00.005+08:00

i'm no big fan of MJ. but seeing the memorial service they held for him, listening to what he has done for the world, the music he has contributed, i guess, despite all his crazy actions and weird looks, i do feel a little sad that he has left us. and i feel very much for his children, especially paris after her outburst on stage at the end of the service. i hope they'll be able to grow up and carry on his legend.

most of what i know of him are usually from all the news he has created. i have never specifically paid attention to his songs or what he is up to (though weirdly, i can recognise almost every song of his when class 95 kept playing his songs yesterday - like inserting one MJ song every 2-3 songs - and it was really overdose). so i shall not give any "tribute" to him. instead, i can only say, listen to his songs. it's the best way you can remember him. :)

on another note, my sis is peeved that her project runway finale has been replaced by the telecast of the MJ memorial service, while others, who had to work and couldn't stay up to watch at the unearthly hour of 1.30-4.00am this morning, are only too happy that channel 5 is showing a repeat telecast at 10.30pm.

shall end off my favourite mj song. c'mon everyone, let's heal the world and make it a better place. :)

Heal the World
By Michael Jackson

Spoken:
Think about the generations and to say we want to make it a better world for our children and our children's children. So that they know it's a better world for them; and think if they can make it a better place.

There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow.

And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow.

There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving.

If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always
Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race.
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

Bridge:
And the dream we would conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify it's soul
Though it's plain to see, this world is heavenly
Be God's glow.

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel
You are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords into plowshares
We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space to make a better place.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

Refrain (2x)

There are people dying if you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me.
There are people dying if you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me.

change of job?

2009-07-07T15:14:00.003+08:00

sigh. i no longer have any passion for my job. i think perhaps it's really time to start looking for a new one. =.=

just a moment of downtime. i know it will pass and then i'll be ok again. but how many downtime can i take? i've had so many such moments since i started this job. is this normal? does everyone experience this? i know every job has its difficulties. but sometimes, it can be just a little too much. and you long and thirst for a better life. doing something that you really love, and enjoy.

honestly, the only thing that's stopping me from tendering my resignation is the fact that i feel i owe them. for keeping the place for me. for my colleagues' overwhelming concern over my accident. for the fact that they are allowing me to work from home until i fully recover. sigh. i'm one lousy sucker. why is letting go always so hard?

Comments Enabled! :)

2009-07-07T12:22:00.002+08:00

i am so proud of myself. lol. cos i figured out how to post a link for comments on my blog! yay! thanks to help.blogger.com. the template that i downloaded doesn't post a link to comments. so i have to insert the entire code by myself. ^^

next i shall figure out how to put in the title. it doesn't seem to want to appear either. >.<

2009-07-06T15:01:00.000+08:00

my maple avatar!

i love my new clothes! :)

i've moved here!

2009-07-06T11:39:00.000+08:00

yeah! i have finally decided to move to blogspot. permanently. and i got a new blogskin! luckily i learnt a little html before. so i'm not so lost in editing the html for the skin. like it? i love it! :D

i'll put up more posts the moment i'm done with all the editing on the blog. i love the flexibility of blogspot. compared to xanga. now i think xanga is for lazy pple (like me!) who just wants to put up their posts and that's it. so i've decided not to be lazy and try out blogspot. :P

btw all the previous posts are OUTDATED. so please do ignore them. i'm only leaving them there to remind myself that i should post more often. and not just a few times a year. and to tell myself that i should not live in the past anymore. time waits for no man (or woman). so get up and move on already! :)

more than two years later

2008-05-28T23:32:00.003+08:00

can you believe it's been more than TWO years since i last posted here? well, i wonder why i stopped. not that there were many posts to begin with.

so two years is a really long time. and obviously there have been many changes. like how i am not in a relationship right now and that i am working, not studying. well, i have to say that i currently love my life. even though there's no special someone in my life now, and it's not as carefree as it was two years ago.

i have no idea where to begin. it's a really long story. i guess i never really talk about my breakup. i mean, if you ask me, other than starting a new job, this in and out of a relationship is the biggest change for me. it still makes my heart break (a little) and brings tears to my eyes if i ever try to talk about it. does that mean anything?

i somehow feel that the reason why i wanna talk about it is to have people sympathise with me. which is so wrong. but perhaps the fact that i went through it alone, in a faraway place, having no one to talk to, is making me doing what i'm doing right now. this love, that once was, has turned into hatred. i can't even bear to talk to him right now. how did things turn out this way? i guess i was hurt much deeper than i thought. when i think of the things he said to me, about how he is much happier when i'm not around, that he doesn't miss me at all, still brings tears to my eyes. i mean, all these doesn't matter already, but i am still letting it affect me. i really really need to let this go. i have definitely got over him, but i haven't got over the hurt. i guess, this is going to take much longer to heal completely than i expected.

i always thought myself to be quite strong. i appear strong in front of everyone. but inside, sometimes, i just want to cry. there are no shoulders to lean on. it's just me and the tissue papers.

this is such a random post. some sudden outburst that i have no idea where it came from. perhaps from the fact that he is getting on my nerves. that i can't have a clean break from him because he refuses to settle some things that's left hanging between us. i think i need help. :(

some rantings...

2006-03-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

the interview came and went. i dun tink i did very well. so let's just wait for the results ya.

so many things to do this week! i tink i gonna need to stop switching on my laptop in order to concentrate on my work better. sigh. just met up with my ex-boss on tue for her to pass me some work to do. and i havent done any yet! and it's already sunday. die die die. i better buck up. one more assignment and test to go. of which i havent done any yet.

okay just some brainless post. kinda tired le. okok. just a really short post. night all.

god bless.

teaching interview!

2006-03-23T00:14:00.001+08:00

i got interview tmr and i so dun feel like going. it's me third time going for moe interview. and if i dun get it this time, i don't think i'll be trying again. God is probably telling me that teaching is not for me. though i tot it has been all along. i must have been deluding myself. well anyhow i shall let the outcome of the interview be a sign from God as to whether i shld go into teaching.

cant wait for the interview to be over and then i can feel more relaxed! yay! shall treat myself to a nice nice dinner at the western food stall tmr. hehe. small indulges like this is enough for me.

oh oh, me and my sis baked blueberry cheesecake on saturday. and it was yummy! aniwae i'm turning 22 soon. how fast 21 just flew past. sigh sigh. i tink i shld be sleeping soon. dun want to turn up for the interview looking super tired. heh. alright. gdnite.

God bless.

food poisoning!

2006-03-16T15:02:00.001+08:00

yesterday was the first time i had food poisoning. it was just bad bad bad. sudden attacks of sharp stomach pain wasn't nice at all. and i was so "guai", still go school and attend lessons. only thing was that i skipped one of my tutorials to go see the doc. heh. well, dun waste money mah. since we already had to pay for the clinic's services as part of our school fees, might as well make use of the service. instead of suffering in silence. haha.

went to cafe galilee just now at amk library to buy ice-blended mocha on my way back from giving tuition in the morning. actually i noe i'm not supposed to be drinking too much ice-blended drinks, esp when i just had food poisoning the day before and havent exactly recovered completely from it yet. but i deluded myself with the "yi du gong du" belief and persuaded myself to go get one. and guess wat? i'm feeling much better now! coincidence you say? well, whatever la, i'm okay liao, that's the pt. at least i din become more sick. hehe.

okay back to studying for my discrete op test. it sucks. i'm so gonna fail it la. but well, got study and fail at least will feel abit better. heh. what lousy reasoning i have.

ok am looking forward to the weekend!

god bless.

a new beginning

2006-03-16T14:06:00.000+08:00

i've decided to start a new blog, where no one will know. i've told no one that i've started one. so if one stumbles upon this, so be it. this is where i can post what i want. without having to think of who's reading it and what they will think if they read this or that. well, i'm just not one who can say her mind out loud and not bother what others think.

okie. this shall just a very short first entry.

god bless.